Great Grandpa

Denise and I gathered up our kids and made our trip to the hospital to visit Grandpa. I had thought about writing a letter to him, something I could read to him or someone else could read for him... or when he was better, he could read himself. I wanted to tell him all the things I hadn't said. But I didn't write it, and then we got there and I couldn't say it. He was resting... The time just didn't seem right.

Dear Grandpa...
How can I say the thousand ways you've affected me? How can I list or tell all the big and small ways your presence has been around me, my entire life?

Grandpa rested, we talked around him. People came and went, he woke up and we held his hands, we talked and shared our stories with each other. The little unimportant stuff, how's the weather. The bigger stuff, memories from long ago, the hopes for what's to come. He woke up and shared some thought and we held his hands...

Dear Grandpa,
I've known you my whole life but feel like I hardly really know you. You've been there since the moment my parents found out I was on my way, all the way through everything. Your stories stick in my mind, about many years ago and then about just last week. I always felt like you know everything about everything. We could bring up any topic and you already knew.

Dear Grandpa, you raised a family of six kids, they stick together to this day still. You raised kids who work hard, play hard, love hard. Who share, who sacrifice, who laugh and cry together.

Your home has always felt like home to me. I grew up there, visiting and sleeping upstairs, helping myself to your never-ending candy and whatever was in the fridge. Your home was my great outdoors, my adventure with endless places to explore. There is the upstairs where the bedrooms are still named after my aunt and uncle who haven't lived there for decades. There's the basement and the infamous "snake in the shower" story. There's the yard and trees with swings and pastures and barn and all of it just waiting for us to discover.

Your work ethic was so fully instilled in my mom that I see it in her today, her influence inspiring me to work harder and do better. I see it in my aunts and uncles and cousins, people who work hard to make a living, taking care of their families, people who respect those around them and treat each other well.

You are the glue in this tribe, the one we all came home to. Sometimes often, sometimes not, but we were always coming home to you, coming home to another story, another warm chat around the kitchen table.

Somehow I'm still having a hard time believing you're gone, my whole life you've been here. It doesn't quite make sense to me, but perhaps its because I don't want to accept it, believe that you could have left us behind.

We said goodbye on Sunday, you told us to come again. I promised I would, and turned to walk away. I wish I had said to you, thank you for loving us so generously. Thank you for being the gathering place where we could all come together to cry, and to laugh, and to share our memories and make new ones. Thank you for being you. We love you.