How Are You Doing?

This is the question that everyone asks us, how are we adjusting to the new baby in the family? How are we doing? How are the kids? And the canned, standard answer is "oh, everything's great!" Its not, really, but we'll eventually figure it out. Right? It feels like a new baby in the house is a chance for me to start all over... start all over with the list of things I'm not doing "right" and the list of ways that I can screw up my baby's life. By giving him a pacifier or not, by letting him cry a little or rushing straight to him whenever he makes a peep, by... well, we all know the list. And the Mom Guilt that comes with the job. A guilt we feel just because we'll never be able to live up to some "standard" that's out there.

Add to that the dynamic of a household with other children who have their own feelings about the new baby. When someone asks Shelly what she thinks about her new brother and she says "he cries a lot" they laugh like its a cute little remark from a cute little girl. But underneath that, maybe what Shelly means is, "he cries a lot and then Mom holds him and she doesn't pick me up when I cry." And when we tell Archer that he's a good big brother but then when I leave the room he's taking out his frustrations on his sister by pushing or hitting her, what is he thinking and not saying? What kind of pressure are we putting on him to "perform" in his role and where is that leaving him? Things that in the past have been minor scuffles that they resolve themselves are now huge battles with screaming and physical retaliation. I'm making our house sound like a war zone and its not. We are doing "fine" but its a "fine" with new frustrations and we're working really hard to figure it out. And not screw up our kids permanently in the process.

Denise was encouraging me today and something she said was, it seems like a lot to adjust to but one day you'll wake up and realize that you've got it figured out, you've adjusted and things are going smoothly. And she's right, I think. One day we'll be able to get to the bus stop on time without it seeming like a miracle that we even got out of the house. One day it will take us less than forty minutes to get our coats on, get in the car and leave for church. But today, its a struggle. We're working on it. Trying to adjust. I just wish the adjusting part could be over soon, and we could have it figured out.

He said to them: "It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority."
~Acts 1:7

And so we wait on His timing.