Evidence

Tonight Shelly came to me with a small toy held gently between her fingers. As I was trying to clean the kitchen, cook supper, help Archer with homework and not trip over backpacks and school papers strewn everywhere... Shelly came to me with this tiny thing, with a sad look in her eyes. "Its why I don't like to leave my door open. Because E comes in and he takes stuff out that I didn't take out and then he leaves it on the floor and he messes up my room." Every day she closes her bedroom door. Every day after she leaves for school I open it to air it out, let it warm up (the vents don't work right and her room is always too cold). And sometimes E finds his way in there to explore the toys and treasures.

I tried to find a moment of peace among all the clutter surrounding me in that kitchen, the food needing attention, the older brother calling out another math question. I knelt down in front of her and told her that when friends and guests come over, sometimes they pull things out, move our things around. We don't get upset, we share, we put it away after they leave. I told a story about how when I had kids, and they came into this house to live with me, they moved my things around, left their own things in my way, but that's part of being a family. Being nice, living together, not getting too upset when our things are moved. And she can do this with her brother. And as I said it to her, and looked at her backpack on the floor instead of haning on its hook, looked at the piles of her schoolwork on the counter, I thought, this is just life, just real life, where people put their stuff in your space. Move  your stuff around without your permission. And we just keep moving around each other, hugs as we pass, putting things away once again, that's the rythm of our lives. And I wouldn't trade it for anything, my things being disorganized by a busy toddler, my bedroom being overrun with toys and homework, my car littered with more of the same. I wouldn't trade it. It drives me a bit crazy sometimes, but when I really think about it, I wouldn't give up the evidence of their lives here with me. Its a picture of family, and what we leave in our wake.