Today

Today is FINALLY the day when we could leave the house on a whim without winter coats, hats, gloves, scarves, boots. Today is the day when I said, "want to go on an adventure?" And they followed me out the door and we went to the woods and explored God's great gift of nature. There was plenty of green among all the dead looking leaves, little sprouts here and there to show that spring has definitely arrived. And we even spotted a couple of turtles and countless frogs in the pond. When the kids were quiet we could hear them calling, the frogs were singing of spring too, I think. But we couldn't hear them for long, the kids started back up with shouting their discoveries, and Shelly with her songs of warm weather and sunshine.

First we consulted the maps, determined where we were and where we wanted to go (Archer was the leader but E made his opinion pretty clear too).

I happily took my place at the back of the pack and followed our leaders across the boardwalk (there were bees... they made the kids a bit nervous but we didn't have much choice, forge ahead!).

There were a few stops for "Mom take a picture of me here!"

Shelly is a blossoming photographer with her new film camera.

The first time we passed the pond we didn't see much, bu the second time around we slowed down. Watched the ripples in the water and carefully, slowly, we were able to spot frogs! E entertained himself with throwing sticks into the water.

And finally, a kind hiker paused to take a picture of us as we crossed paths, he on his way to the pond and river, us on our way home.

I love these times, spontaneous and not rushed by any schedule, just letting the kids decide which path to take next and when to go home. What a GREAT way to start our weekend!!

When She Grows Up

I know she loves art. And music. Baking? News to me, but its great!

Labels

Some labels I love, I feel so honored to carry them with me. Wife. Mother. Daughter, sister, friend, neighbor. Christian.

Some labels seem so harmless and yet sometimes I grow weary of them. Working mom, stay at home mom, young mom (someone actually called me that, I don't think I'm so young anymore). Mom of small children (they're not so small anymore). Organic or Vegetarian or Frugal or Crafty mom, PTA mom, Scout mom (not all of those are my labels, you guess which ones). Sometimes those labels can be double edged swords. Proud to carry them, proud to share my involvement in my kids' lives. Sometimes they feel like a burden, something so heavy to carry around because I can't live up to the full expectation of what that really means. Good mom. I so appreciate the encouragement and love when people share this label with me, tell me I'ma good mom. But I know all of my mistakes, I know those weren't good moments, and the word good doesn't seem to fit. The kids are fond of telling me I'm the best mom ever. "I'm the ONLY mom you've ever had." Doesn't stop them from saying I'm the best. And I appreciate it and love that they want to encourage me. But I know I'm not the best. I fail far too often for that.

I know this is all starting to sound depressing, or like I'm depressed, but I'm not really.... I'm trying to talk myself into more realistic standards and goals. I can't be the very very best in the whole world, but I don't believe God calls me to that, so why do I try so hard to live up to that standard? I can be the best that I can in this moment, with the Lord's help. I can love my children to my very deepest part of my soul and let that love spill out into their lives. I can be a loving mom. And I think that's the best kind of mom to be, the one that each of us can live with, without inflated unrealistic expectations. And without judging anyone else for whatever other labels they carry.

Documenting

Shelly's gotten into the habit of documenting where we're going as we drive around. From the back seat I hear a little voice... "Mom, how do you spell PTA?" And here is the result, little pages of notes on our latest happenings.

Dear Children

Dear Archer and Shelly and Elijah. Dear beloved children of mine.

I know sometimes other people read here, but this one's just for you, someday, when you're old enough and browsing around and you find this. Its just for you.

This week in our country we've seen tragedy. On Monday there were bombs at the Boston Marathon. I told you about this after school, because I wanted you to hear it from me first, and not hear offhand remarks from strangers and wonder what it meant. On Monday one of our great cities in this amazing country called home, one of those cities was attacked, People were hurt, killed, hearts were broken. And so many amazing heros stepped forward to help. The tragedy, caused by a couple of lost men, brought together a city and a country in love, prayers, support for the city that was attacked. On that day, people's hearts were broken. People stepped forward to help strangers, when people ran in fear, others ran into the smoke and gathered up those that were hurt and helped.

Today an entire city is shut down, people stayed home from work and school, trains and busses stopped running, the city stopped. I have great respect for those people in Boston who are probably fearful, there are dangerous people there, but who are also brave enough to stand their ground and work with the police to keep their city safe.

On Wednesday there was a fire in a small town called West. The fire ignited some dangerous chemicals and then there was an explosion, an explosion that rocked the earth, that sent shock waves for miles and destroyed buildings, apatments, homes. Children yonger than you helped each other escape falling buildings. Strangers stepped in and risked their lives fighting fires and rescuing those trapped in collapsed houses. Firefighters died in their attempts to stop the fire and stop any more people from being hurt. Today there are rescue workers who are still searching for those who are missing, perhaps trapped in houses that have fallen. Yesterday there were hundreds of people who gathered together in prayer for their family, friends, and neighbors, pleading with God for the safe return of those they love.

On top of those tragedies, you know we've been having crazy terrible weather. Storm after storm, in late April it doesn't seem like it should be this cold but today there was a blizzard. All week its been raining. Some places are under water, it feels as though our entire country is under seige, the weather, the attack in Boston, the accident in Texas.

Dear Archer and Shelly and Elijah, this week tragic things have happened in our country. This is a bad week in our country's history. But in this great place that we call home, in America, we help one another. There are people that hurt other people. But there are so many more people that love and give and sacrifice to help.

I read a quote from Mr. Rogers, I know you don't know him well but he was wise and so respected. He loved children and his mission in life was to help children feel safe.

When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” To this day, especially in times of “disaster,” I remember my mother’s words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world.

Shelly, I shared this with you the other night. When something bad happens, or if you're ever afraid, look for the helpers. There are always people who are helping. I could see in your eyes that you were afraid, just me mentioning that something scary could happen and I wouldn't be there, I know it was hard for you to imagine it.

My dear beautiful children. We live in such a broken world, it can be a scary, heart breaking place, this broken world we're in. But there are always helpers, always kind and good people who will help you. And I know you have it in your hearts, I've seen it already, the way you help each other, the way you care and check on each other. You are growing into the helpers that our country, our world, needs. You are already beocming those people, those heros that step forward to help each other. I am so proud of you for that.

Its not just our country, these terrible things happen all around the world, and sometimes they're closer to home and sometimes far away in a place we can't imagine. Please know that no matter how out of control these things seem, God is always in control. He hears each and every one of us, at the very moment that our hearts cry out. When you hear of something scary and you feel that fear in your heart, know that God hears you. When you turn your thoughts to Him and wonder what to say, He hears you. When you want to ask Him for healing but don't know how to ask, He hears you. He knows.

 

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

   ~Psalm 34:18

I love you so much, and when you want to talk about things that are scary, you can talk to me about it. I won't laugh at you or tell you there's nothing to worry about. I know its scary. You don't have to keep that inside, you can share it with me, or with Dad. And above all, seek to take refuge in the Lord, He goes with you where we cannot.

 

I sought the Lord, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.

   ~Psalm 34:4

I am so proud of you, each of you three bring such joy and unique blessings to my life. Times like this, crazy, scary, how could this happen times, they remind me to be so thankful for each moment I have with you.

Love,
Mom

Five Minute Friday: Jump

When we're at a pool and I'm holding my hands up, coaxing and calling out, "just jump!" Why won't they let go of fear or whatever it is and just jump to me?

I guess maybe, just maybe, I get it. I really want them to be a bit more fearless. But I understand the fear. When was the last time in my life that I just jumped in? I'm so cautious, carefully seeking out information and asking a thousand questions before I'll wade in ankle deep to some new opportunity. I would hate to get stuck in some circumstance that makes me uncomfortable, stretches me in any way... I don't just jump. I wade in with trepidation and I'm ready to turn around and jump back OUT at the slightest hint of "not what I expected."

I could do with a little more jumping of my own, and then, perhaps, they'll jump in too. Although, I have to say, when it comes to things they're passionate about, the kids will dive in head first and if I don't follow, I'll just be left in the dust. (Scouts, anyone?) Perhaps we can each learn a little more about the whole idea. From each other. And THAT is one of the best parts of a family. Each and every one of us learning from each other, jumping in and then holding our hands up and waiting... waiting for the next one in line to join.

Linking up with Lisa-Jo Baker

For the Love of Shelly

For her ENTIRE WHOLE LIFE, Shelly has wanted to be a Girl Scout. That's right, for 2,278 days Shelly has wanted to be a Scout, meet with other Daisies once a week and play games and do crafts, and whatever else cute little girl scouts do. FINALLY, after a bazillion million days of waiting... Last week, on Sunday night at 8:30, I got a phone call.

"Hi, this is Liz with Girl Scouts... blah blah blah... see you tomorrow night!" That's right, a scout troop had started up. There had already been meetings and discussions with other moms. None of us would volunteer to run a troop. Finally the official Girl Scout Council found someone for us and started a troop. On Monday morning I shared with Shelly the great news, and she was so shocked she couldn't even believe me. "REALLY?? For real???" YES, really! And so, that night, there we all were. In the gym at a local elementary school,  introducing ourselves and watching our girls play games and learn the Pledge. Or Promise, or something.

Here's where it gets fun. Our second scout meeting, I drive up to the school and see the leader (remember, that's Ms. Liz) banging on the doors of the school and looking through the window. It was dark inside, the janitor wasn't there to open the doors. I left the kids in the car and went to talk to Ms. Liz (in the rain). We couldn't get in (we were all standing around IN THE RAIN). Meeting cancelled (still raining). Ok, we'll see you next week. I get in the car. Shelly is sitting there and I break the news. "I'm sorry honey, no scouts tonight." Then the real rain starts. Tears. She's crying, this dream of Girl Scouts being dangled in front of her and then cruelly taken away at the last second. And that's when I knew I COULD NOT accept "no scouts tonight." For the love of my precious little daughter and her dream of her very own scout troop... "Wait here."

I marched back out into the rain, to Liz and the other moms gathered around her, and made the offer. We can have it at my house! Address given, directions, that's my car you can follow me and we're off! Caravanning to my house. Instructions to the kids on the way. The second we get home, you clean up this, pick up that, put everything away, unlock the door, show your friends in, we're home! Run go do everything! And in 15 seconds flat all the toys were thrown into bedrooms and doors shut, backpacks and shoes thrown into the laundry room and again door shut and OH I'm so glad you could come over, welcome! And the meeting began. And Ms. Liz thanked us a hundred times and the ONLY thing that mattered to me was that Shelly's day was saved.

And that's what happens when you love your sweet little Daisy Scout, you don't care what the house looks like, that its not quite clean enough or you didn't plan to spend your evening this way. You invite 7 girls and their moms and a leader into your home for a scout meeting and everyone gets to plant seeds and play in the dirt around your dining room table. The rest of it doesn't matter, just your love for that precious Shelly.

Car Ride Conversations

Today I sat in the back seat between E and Shell while Archer was co-pilot up front. There were some good conversations in the way home...

S I'm hungry.
M Ok.
S I'm hungrier than you think.

A What does "no outlet" mean?
D There's no way out.
M There aren't any roads that connect to it.
A I thought it meant the houses didn't have outlets.
M Like they don't have any electricity?
A Yeah!

S If there's a beach here we could call it Club Beach, because we already have a Secret Beach.
M Or we could call it Bender Park Beach since its at Bender Park.
S Oh yeah.

Evidence

Tonight Shelly came to me with a small toy held gently between her fingers. As I was trying to clean the kitchen, cook supper, help Archer with homework and not trip over backpacks and school papers strewn everywhere... Shelly came to me with this tiny thing, with a sad look in her eyes. "Its why I don't like to leave my door open. Because E comes in and he takes stuff out that I didn't take out and then he leaves it on the floor and he messes up my room." Every day she closes her bedroom door. Every day after she leaves for school I open it to air it out, let it warm up (the vents don't work right and her room is always too cold). And sometimes E finds his way in there to explore the toys and treasures.

I tried to find a moment of peace among all the clutter surrounding me in that kitchen, the food needing attention, the older brother calling out another math question. I knelt down in front of her and told her that when friends and guests come over, sometimes they pull things out, move our things around. We don't get upset, we share, we put it away after they leave. I told a story about how when I had kids, and they came into this house to live with me, they moved my things around, left their own things in my way, but that's part of being a family. Being nice, living together, not getting too upset when our things are moved. And she can do this with her brother. And as I said it to her, and looked at her backpack on the floor instead of haning on its hook, looked at the piles of her schoolwork on the counter, I thought, this is just life, just real life, where people put their stuff in your space. Move  your stuff around without your permission. And we just keep moving around each other, hugs as we pass, putting things away once again, that's the rythm of our lives. And I wouldn't trade it for anything, my things being disorganized by a busy toddler, my bedroom being overrun with toys and homework, my car littered with more of the same. I wouldn't trade it. It drives me a bit crazy sometimes, but when I really think about it, I wouldn't give up the evidence of their lives here with me. Its a picture of family, and what we leave in our wake.

MORE Family Fun Night

TWO nights with brothers over for dinner, could the weekend get any better? No? Well it's bedtime now, it's a school night after all! Thanks for all the laughs and great conversation!

Family Fun Night

What a great time with Uncle James and Aunt Danielle. There was cooking, games, lots of laughs, thanks for joining us for dinner!