Rest

I walked in to the living room in the middle of a conversation...
Archer laying on the couch, holding onto his foot and telling Shelly, "I worked at a butcher and I got my thumb cut off. Now I have no toe."
Shelly, laying next to him and repeating what he says, giggling along the way.

Today is a down day, down time, not going anywhere because one among us is really struggling to keep up. And its wearing the rest of us out, or at least me.

Elijah has NOT been himself this week. Crabby doesn't even begin to describe him, he's clingy, angry, tired, violent with all of us and he's forgotten how to sleep through the night. He screams "NO!" every chance he gets. He rarely eats what he's said he wants to eat. He won't let anyone play with any toy, even if he wasn't using it. Last night it finally peaked at 1:30 a.m. when he woke up for the third time. The first two times I went in, sang to him, and thought he would go back to sleep. The third time, I asked David to go. David took a different approach, took E to the kitchen to get him a drink. E didn't want a drink, screamed and turned his face away. David tried a snack. I don't know all the details, I just know that with him screaming louder than ever I'd finally had enough of trying to give him what he wants. I don't think he even knew what he wanted. I went to the kitchen to find E on his stomach on the floor kicking his feet, screaming louder than any little boy that size should be able to, and Archer standing there bewildered. "I'm just trying to help" he said. I thanked him. I took Elijah back to his crib, told Shelly to go sleep on the couch and shut the door on kicking and screaming meltdown. And I cried out to God, telling him of my frustration and weary body and begging for something. Anything. Relief.

I declared a quiet-not-going-anywhere morning and my single goal was to get through the next few hours until nap time without any meltdowns. We made it to 11:44 before our first meltdown. We had lunch. E played happily on his own, coming and going from me. And the way we accomplished no meltdowns was that I completely stopped everything else. I turned on the tv and we all sat around in the living room together all morning. Its the first time we've done that during our summer vacation, and I was a bit bored with it but E really needed it, I think. Not wandering in the woods, not in the sun on the beach. Just familiar surroundings, no one telling him what to do. It was a good morning. And now its nap time. And all is right with the world. At least, our little world.

In my distress I called to the Lord;
I cried to my God for help.
From his temple he heard my voice;
my cry came before him, into his ears.
~ Psalm 18:6

Five Minute Friday: Dance

 

Once I stepped on a cricket in our kitchen and was surprised that I didn't completely smash it, it was still alive when I picked my foot back up to see what was down there. I was stepping lightly. Its a step you learn when you don't want to smash the cheerios you step on, because its so much easier to pick them up when they're still whole.

I turned around, the other day, and started heading in a new direction, in a big hurry for something, crahsed into E and knocked him down. I'm still learning the dance. The one where you slow down enough not to clobber the little ones in your path. The one where I learn to follow instead of always trying to lead. The one where all five people in the family can, for some unexplained reason, end up in a four foot square area all at once and every single one of us has a good reason to be in that exact spot. And then we each turn and go our own direction, back to opposite ends of the house, only to repeat the dance, the step aside, the step into a hug and kiss, the daily dance of life together.

Linking up with Lisa-Jo Baker

Soooo HOT!

It's soooo hottttt out there, and the weather people keep telling us it will be hotter tomorrow. We can look forward to more heat, no rain.... it's so hot!

At Mom and Dad's today we started telling each other how hot it will be tomorrow.
"Can we come back to the pool tomorrow? It's going to be a hundred degrees."
"Sure, it'll be a hundred and twenty in the shade."
"I think its going to be two hundred and fourty, a good day to go swimming..."

There's much discussion of what needs to be watered, where we should try to beat the heat, and I'm wondering if Shelly got what she wished for. On Monday she said, "When is it going to be real summer weather?" With the lake breeze, it actually felt a little cool outside and I even believed (for a moment) that it might be too cold to swim. It was much warmer in HC, inland from the lake, and the kids enjoyed the pool. And now we seek out the pool, or the sprinkler, or a picnic table in the shade to beat the heat. There's always inside, but I can't stand the idea of hiding in the house when the sun is shining and there's so much to explore and enjoy in God's beautiful creation.

God's beautiful, glorious creation. I'm hungry for it. I seek out new places to explore with the kids. I'm not an outdoors person usually, but I find wonder and rest in the places we visit, quiet, away from toys and electricity and just enjoying each other's company.

Shout for JOY to the Lord, ALL THE EARTH,
burst into jubilant song with music...
Let the sea resound, and everything in it,
the world, and all who live in it.
LET THE RIVERS CLAP THEIR HANDS,
let the mountains sing together for joy;
let them sing before the Lord,
for he comes to judge the earth.
~ Psalm 98

Our Rock

A couple of days ago we were studying God's character. We talked a lot about the meaning of the word "holy." The kids asked some really good questions.

We read from 1 Samuel
There is no one holy like the Lord;
there is no one besides you;
there is no Rock like our God.

We talked about the song that describes the wise man building his house on the rock, and the foolish man building his house on the sand. I couldn't help but feel like our days at the beach prepared us to talk about this. The kids know all about the sand, the way it washes away with the waves, the way it is so easily moved.

Today I didn't have a plan, I just opened up the bible and found Psalm 40

He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.

I told them to picture our walk in the woods this morning, and every time E fell down, I picked him up and set his feet on a flat place, brushed him off and sent him on his way again. We closed our eyes, they giggled at picturing Eli falling down yet again, and they knew exactly what I was talking about. I didn't set him on an uneven place, I didn't expect him to balance on a log, I found the safe place to set his feet.

I told Shelly she'd really like this next part...

He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the Lord.

We laughed when she said, "Well what did you THINK?" in such a sweet way, we all know she loves to sing. She's our music girl. She makes new songs, praises to God daily and its such a joy to listen to her loving God.

We spoke again about the beach, about how when you stand in the sand at the edge of the water, gradually more and more sand covers your feet. Gradually you start sinking. But when we stand on the rocks, the water can't even touch us. We'll never sink. God is our foundation. God is our rock, our safe place in the storm, our protector and provider of too many blessings to count.

Many, O Lord my God,
are the wonders you have done.
The things you planned for us
no one can recount to you;
were I to speak and tell of them,
they would be too many to declare.

Disappointment

How do you teach your kids to deal with it? Something that seems trivial to us grown ups but is so big for them, I'm learning to be more compassionate, not just blow it off and tell them to get over it. But it doesn't change the facts. Life comes with disappointments.

We thought we might get to go... We can't. You thought you could have just a little more ice cream, I said no. You wanted to watch... someone else watched something else that you didn't like. Some of these are trivial. Some are really really big.What can I say? "I'm sorry you're sad." Can I tell them how I get it? How I understand because I've been there? Way back when I was a kid and... Do they care about way back then? Way back yesterday when I expected, and didn't get what I had hoped for. What I feel like I desparately needed. It didn't happen, I was disappointed.

This awful feeling of not controlling what happens and wanting something so badly but it just can't come true today, I've been feeling it lately. I've been feeling the Lord leading me back to him lately, always there, the pull, come back, come closer. The world disappoints. "I give you what you need."

Why am I chasing after these things in my heart that are not really where God is leading? The Lord has given me what I need. And then some, and more and too many blessings to count. Somehow I still am disappointed in moments when I expected more and it leaves me wondering why I hoped. It leaves me trying to remember that the Lord is more than enough, that he is with me, that I have exactly what I need and more than I ever could have hoped for, all right under my very own roof.

Five Minute Friday: Path

I didn't think this would be my path, its not what I had laid out in my mind way back when. When I laid around with friends at slumber parties, talking about what our lives would look like when we were grown up. I didn't think I'd want to be a stay-at-home mama. I didn't even figure out that I loved it until I was thrown into it and realized it was exactly where I was supposed to be. Even then, I didn't think I'd ever enjoy cooking for my family. I do now. I didn't picture myself in the place I'm at now but its SO MUCH BETTER. God is so great to give us blessings more than we can ever imagine.

I've been walking around in the woods a lot lately with the kids and they always run ahead and I'm just following. They choose the path. Sometimes its a dead end. Then we turn and go back. Sometimes they pick the barely-there path instead of the finely manicured obviously the-right-way-to-go path. And I follow along. I pick up little people when they fall, brush their hands off, pat their bottoms and send them forward again. I call out, "Don't leave us behind!" and hope that the one with the longest legs will wait for the one with the smallest legs to catch up.

I think a lot about what my future picture will look like. I tell myself that it can't look better than it looks now. And then I remind myself that I have no idea what God has in store. I don't know where the path is going. But I'm sure happy to find out, and enjoy the walk along the way!

Linking up with TheGypsyMama

God's Marvelous Creation

The last five days have been nothing but enjoying the great outdoors. So today we read Psalms 95 & 96. We talked about God's awesome works, His creation, and praising Him day after day...

Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord;
let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation.
Let us come before him with thanksgiving
and extol him with music and song.

For the Lord is the great God,
the great King above all gods.
In his hand are the depths of the earth,
and the mountain peaks belong to him.
The sea is his, for he made it,
and his hands formed the dry land.

Come, let us bow down in worship,
let us kneel before the Lord our Maker;
for he is our God
and we are the people of his pasture,
the flock under his care...

Every day this week we've been at VBS all morning long, filling the time with songs of praise and lessons on God's promises. Every afternoon we've been outside enjoying the sunshine, water, fresh air and nature all around us. God is so, SO good to us!!

Sing to the Lord a new song;
sing to the Lord, all the earth.
Sing to the Lord, praise his name;
proclaim his salvation day after day.
Declare his glory among the nations,
his marvelous deeds among all peoples.

For great is the Lord and most worthy of praise;
he is to be feared above all gods.
For all the gods of the nations are idols,
but the Lord made the heavens.
Splendor and majesty are before him;
strength and glory are in his sanctuary...

A Little Secret

Today the kids and I went looking for rummage sales, in search of a scooter. The kids plan on purchasing it themselves, I gave them some negotiating tips but all for naught - we found no rummages with scooters. We found something better - a secret beach. And this is where I was reminded that being spontaneous is lots more fun than just sticking to the plan. And where I remembered that kids don't need a wagon full of beach toys to enjoy the sand. If there are rocks (and there were rocks in all shapes and sizes), and if there are sticks (plenty of those too), if there's sand and water (of course!), the kids will entertain themselves for hours.



It was a tiny little beach down a set of steep wooden stairs, and we explored for over an hour. We took our shoes off and enjoyed the cold water, we walked from end to end and explored every nook and cranny. We discussed forts and sailboats and waves and coming back again soon. We can't wait to go back again soon. I can't wait to see what next adventure the Lord will lead us on, where He'll take us if I'm willing to let go of my own ideas for the day and just see what happens.

Five Minute Friday: Expectation

Yeah, there are a lot of these in my life, expectations. Like don't lie to me. How many times do we have to have the same lesson? Or how about, you've learned it's wrong to draw on furniture walls floors the lawnmower but every chance you get you're putting graffiti on my stuff. I love that you love to draw but quit it. I hate that you lie to me about whether you washed your hair in the shower, I can tell you didn't so just tell the truth already.

Are my expectations for them too high? Tell the truth? Don't draw on anything other than paper? Too much to ask? I'm weary of it, sometimes, I don't even know what to do when they don't learn the lessons. Yes keep going forward. And what's my expectation? That you'll learn it someday, soon, I hope. And what do you expect of me? To ignore your behavior? You know I can't.

What pops into my head is "Do justly. Love mercy. Walk humbly with your God." That's what You expect of me. I don't understand how justice and mercy fit together that way, or how consequences for bad behavior fit with mercy. Mercy seems like giving in, letting go of teaching the lesson, or teaching that you can break the rules and sometimes Mercy steps in and there are no consequence.

Show me, Lord, what you expect of me. Show me what Justice and Mercy look like together. I've got no clue. I've got so far to go. Please show me the way, Your way, Your expectations for me.

Linking up with GypsyMama

Barely Time For...

Today my daughter attended her last day of 4K. I picked her up from school, shed tears as I again thanked Mrs. Miller for a wonderful school year, and told her we should keep in touch. She should come over for tea sometime. She promised to call me, gave me a hug, and then I rushed out the door to get Archer. I had promised I'd pick him up from school. I had seven minutes to drive one mile (in heavy traffic, behind school busses and through many stop signs) before the bell rang and he came out looking for us.

Straight to Target to find ballet shoes for Shelly. A pit stop for a cookie and pretzels along the way. When we got home we got right on our bikes and headed off to the playground. When we finally came in for the night, at 8:22 p.m., Archer said, "But we haven't had SUPPER yet!" Oh yeah!

The kids were ordered to take showers, I made some mac n cheese, and they didn't get to bed till 10:00.

There was barely a moment to grieve Shelly's final day of 4K in the one room schoolhouse. (No kidding, the class had their own little schoolhouse, separate from the "big school.") There was no time for lingering in the aisles of Target. And definitely not a single minute to waste just sitting around once we got home. Go go go!

The only thing that really slowed us down was Shelly's missing bike helmet. We couldn't go on a bike ride without it. Shelly confidently said to me, "I just have a feeling I'm going to find it, because I prayed and asked God to help me." We finally gave up, put her in the trailer with E, and went off to the playground at church. Where Archer discovered the missing helmet! "Thank you JESUS!!" Shelly cried in the greatest pronouncement of joy and faith I could imagine. She promptly fell down on the ground and laid there for a moment, on her back with arms spread wide in amazement.

Did I tell you that we visited that playground yesterday? Did I mention that Shelly had her first major bike incident of the season, and scraped her leg from knee to ankle next to a van-full of onlookers? Did I tell you we had to ride our bikes a half mile home with Shelly crying all the way and blood soaking her sock? And somehow, we forgot her helmet at the playground and the Lord preserved it for us and delivered it back into our hands today! Yesterday's hurt is nearly forgotten!

In all of this, every little moment is filled with choices and cute expressions and that one funny thing that Eli did and all of those details. But there is absolutely no time to stop for the details, for the lingering and wallowing or savoring of it, we are too bound to move forward. There is barely time to look back. I do not believe that the Lord made us to stop and stare for too long. I believe He made us to keep moving forward, towards Him, ever seeking to be closer.

Oh Busy Busy!

I'm trying to think back all the way to yesterday so I can come up with a list of fun we had this weekend. Seven mile bike ride with the Scouts. Grandpa Craig came along too. Four of the Fortier Five stayed at the park to help set up the picnic for the hungry pack that arrived red-faced and nearly starving. I'm happy to report that there were no injuries or incidents (not with my kid, anyway).

Then we came home and did some other stuff. But I can't remember what. Oh yeah, I walked with a friend while the kids played at the park and E got a haircut. David attempted to do this when he thought I had already left but I came back in to find a hat and hear Elijah giggling and having a good old time... Then I walked in to find David using the clippers on my baby's head. NO! Well, they were both laughing but David was really struggling since Eli wouldn't hold still at all. So I joined in and helped him finish cutting it all off, those cute little locks of hair. He looks older than ever now!

Today we finished off that big dirt pile in the driveway, planted 200 (or so) onions, went for a 3.5 mile run (the kids rode their bikes), watered the garden CHILDREN, rode around on our bikes some more and just really enjoyed the sunshine. And each other's company. It felt so good to spend the day outside. With each other. Working together, playing together, just being.

Is this what heaven will be like? Not trying to figure out the big theological questions or wondering what tomorrow will look like, but just reveling in today's joys? Spending time in Jesus' company, just enjoying his presence? Is this what more of my todays COULD look like, if I would just let go of my worrying and trying to keep track of my To Do list? I like to tell myself I don't worry a lot, but I've realized that I DO get pretty concerned when the things on my list aren't getting done when I think they should. So I guess I need to work on that. What happened this weekend was a lot of stuff getting crossed off the list, and the in-between time was filled up with things I wouldn't have bothered to list anywhere. So what does that mean? Forget the list? I don't know. But these two days, the Lord provided, in many many ways. Time with family and friends. Restoration, laughs, good food, work accomplished and memories made. Forget the list. Or at least, loosen my grip on it.

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.”
~ James 4:13-15

Five Minute Friday: See

See how they walk ahead boldly? See how everything is new and exciting in their eyes? See them, watch them, enjoy what they enjoy. See it how they see it. God's mighty creation, every leaf worth stopping to examine, every rotting log a little mystery to investigate. See how they boldy march forward but stop to check back over their shoulders, are you still there, Mom? Are you listening? Look at what I found! Mom look over here, look at that, see that flower and that stump and look down the path over there... And in all of that, what they're really asking is, do you see ME? Do you HEAR me? Am I important to you?

Today we wandered around in the woods and I didn't have any agenda, I didn't have a time limit and we just walked and explored. I tried mostly to stay out of the way, stay quiet and let them decide where to go. I let them declare their discoveries and assured them we would return here again. I saw how Archer led the pack and explained all of his discoveries one by one. How Shelly kept up a constant stream of narration, her imagination running wild and just spilling out in her words and stories. How Elijah tried desperately to do exactly what the older two were doing, balancing on logs and hopping over sticks. How Elijah learned to brush off his hands and knees every time he fell. How Archer was careful not to miss any detail. And how Shelly danced between her brothers, got up quickly when she fell and skipped on ahead without missing a beat.

Today I saw discovery in my children's eyes. Tomorrow, and the next day, and the next, I hope to see it again. I just need to open my own eyes and really see.

Linking up with TheGypsyMama