Dinner Table Conversations

I marvel at the discussions we have, you just can't ever predict where the talk will go...

Recently we somehow ended up talking about the idea of boys peeing while standing up. Yeah, real classy dinner conversation, right? Shelly didn't realize that boys had this um... option? Or do we call that a skill? I don't know. Anyway, she couldn't figure it out. Archer was trying to describe to her what a urinal is for, and when Shelly finally got the concept of boys STANDING UP, she covered her face and cried, "ewww!!" while Archer and I just laughed. It was such a strange idea to her that she couldn't even LOOK at us as we explained it to her.

Often one or both of the kids will get up from the table to demonstrate a game they played in gym or some motions that go along with a song they learned. As E gets older, he joins in his own way, pointing and laughing, moving his arms to imitate what his older brother and sister are doing.

Its fun to see Archer and Shelly connecting with each other, sharing their stories, and hearing the questions they ask. They often ask each other questions that would never cross my mind, but they show how they're relating to each other and working out what really happened earlier in the day. They're compassionate and constantly working to educate each other. Archer likes to correct his sister when she says something wrong and she often takes this in stride, as if its coming from Mom or Dad. She frequently says to me, "ARCHER said..." as if his word makes it true. She trusts in his wisdom. Let's hope he doesn't steer her wrong!

A Robot

Five Minute Friday: Community

I'm trying something today that I haven't done before, following a writing prompt from here.
Write for five minutes on Community

I read all these women’s blogs and their writings on friendship, close friends with whom they share everything, their trials and pains, joys and triumphs. I hear women at church speak of their “best friends,” talk about being joined at the hip and say that they’re so close, they’re like sisters. They talk every day. They hang out all the time. Their kids are all best friends with each other. I was missing out.

The Lord, and time, and life, has taught me differently.

I’ve learned, no friend can be closer than the Lord, no earthly companion closer than my own husband. I’m glad for those other women, for whom it seems to work so well. But I no longer feel like I’m missing something. I have everything I need right here, within my own home, with my own family. With my husband. He is my closest friend. My confidant. The one I go to first for advice and comfort. Those other women in my life, they can be friends. But I know their place now. My community starts in my heart, in my home.

Will I Remember?

Will I remember the little things? The way we filled up our time, the little moments of joy and trial? Today we went to the grocery store. What a joy to be there with my two kids who smiled at me, rode along and made it a fun errand, instead of a burden. What a joy when I came home and Eli tried to keep up with me going in and out, back and forth to bring the food in. Every time I came in, he climbed up the two steps and came in, just in time to get back on his hands and knees and back down those two steps to follow me out again. He helped by bringing things back out to the car that I'd left on the floor in the kitchen. Will I remember the laugh that Shelly and I got at watching her bus sail past our stop, then turn around and come back? Will I remember that Shelly and I played hide and seek yesterday, and she got scared when she couldn't find me? Or that Archer was the sweetest boy EVER for the whole evening last night? He did his homework, this time without a fight. We played yahtzee and I secretly loved challenging him with math questions when he didn't even realize he was practicing math. Does it matter if I forget all of these little moments? They probably will forget, I remember almost nothing from my elementary school years. What will they remember?

I think all of that doesn't matter, at least not the details. What matters is the picture it creates when the painting is finished. Maybe not finished, but further in the process of completion. Does one brush stroke in the painting matter? Not as much as what you see when you step back, the whole picture. The picture I'd like to paint for them is a mom that enjoys them, loves them and wants to hear what they tell me. A mom that is willing to ignore the laundry to play games. A mom that loves Jesus and wants to tell them all about this great love that he has for us. A mom that's willing to learn with them, not just lecture at them. Am I painting that picture with each little brush stroke that will disappear into the greater story?

Counting Other People's Blessings

Tonight we read the parable of the workers in the vineyard. (Matthew 20:1-16) Oh so fitting for us. The workers who worked all day received the payment they had agreed to at the beginning at the beginning of the day. But the guys who only worked an hour got paid the same amount. And so we talked about it... I told them the (true) story of ten kids at Christmas who all received many MANY gifts and they were all very happy with the gifts they received. Until one of the kids started counting the number that each kid had received. He only got three. Everyone else got five or six. Suddenly, he wasn't happy anymore. I reminded Archer of something that just happened within the last few days, he was keeping track of the number of times Shelly got to have a sleepover with Grandma Sue, and comparing it to his number. "Oh yeah," Archer said, making the connection with his own behavior and the other stories we'd discussed. And then I had them each tell me what two things we learned - we're satisfied with what we have; we don't keep track of other people's blessings. "Except," says Archer, "we can keep track of WHERE they are." Meaning, so he can help Shelly find her toys. Leave it to my smart son to find a way to have the last word!

What Am I Waiting For?

The perfect moment. The perfect schedule. The perfectly smiley cheerful day. That's when I'll read the bible to the kids. When we have time. When we're all in a good mood. When it fits into our schedule.

WHAT??? Bologna!!

We used to have regular bible time, every night before bed, we'd sit together and read from a children's bible. Then school started up, we got so busy and I got so overwhelmed that I cut out the easiest thing to cut. Unfortunately, the most IMPORTANT thing. That changes NOW. I finally realized (after almost a YEAR) that I CAN NOT do that to our family, allow our busy and chaotic days to push out the most important teaching we need. Last night I finally answered my own question, "What am I waiting for to start up with regular reading the bible?" The answer is, I'm waiting for the perfect kids' bible, or perfect time of day, or something that's not going to happen. So enough with the excuses. I'm not waiting. I opened up the bible to right where I'd left off reading to myself earlier, and we read about the transfiguration of Jesus. I'm no scholar, I don't fully understand what it means, or why Jesus only took three friends with him for this miraculous event. But that doesn't matter, God meets us where we are. We talked about it, and then I sent the kids off to bed. And I'm glad I'm back on track with bible time.

Today I felt something that I don't know if I've ever felt before. A THIRST for the bible, a hunger for his word. I've approached it wrongly in the past, as something I know I SHOULD do, but don't really feel like doing. "Ok God, I'll do my homework now," has been my attitude. Today, I really wanted to hear his word. I didn't want to read a book about someone's interpretation of the bible, or their reasons to me why I should want to read it. I craved the pure, straight from the mouth of God, words on the page of the bible.

Its funny what God will do, in small steps and huge leaps, if you just let him in.

A Day in the Life

Such simple little things make up a day full of entertainment in the midst of daily chores...
Shelly picks out her clothes, gets dressed, and comes out to the kitchen for a drink. "I found everything pink. Even my cup pink!"

Later as we waited at the bus stop to send Shelly off to school, a friend drove by and I invited her over for a visit. She came over and we chatted for an hour before we parted ways for laundry and nap time.

When Shelly was done with school I picked her up and heard all about her day in the five minute drive home, then I met Archer outside as he was just getting home. This part of my day, the reunion after being apart and time to cook and time for homework is by far the most stressful and cheerful and noisy part of the day. Hello, how was your day, do you have homework, did you get a book from the library, what's for supper, where are we going tonight, when will Dad be home?? Crazy chaos but wonderful.

Shelly says, "Be nice to yourself or your eyeballs will fall out!" As I'm laughing at the funniest thing I've heard all day, she pulls out the art project she brought home and Mrs. Bloom's warning makes sense.

Archer casually mentioned "its been like that all day," pointing at the storm sewer in the street. The grate was inside the drain, leaving a big gaping hole for small children to fall in.

A call to the utility district clears up that little problem and then we're on to something else. Tonight Archer walked around, gathering up supplies and then set to work on his homework without being asked even once. Love it!

All the while the kids are trying to finish off a loaf of homemade bread just baked last night, and I'm trying to squeeze in cooking supper for the crowd.

There are moments when the whole house of cards threatens to come crashing down (Archer's tired of homework after three minutes, Elijah's stealing the toy Shelly is playing with, Elijah is whining because he's hungry/thirsty/bored) and that's the defining moment...

What's Mom going to do? Meltdown too? Or take a deep breath, remember this too will pass, and stand on the foundation of God's love and grace - he WILL get us through the next ten minutes and we DON'T live in a house of cards, we live on the steady foundation of his love and we are sheltered by his grace and forgiveness. Breathe a prayer and forge ahead, Mom!

Things I'll Miss

I don't claim to be a great predictor of things to come... Who can say what my kids will be interested in, what they'll be doing or where we'll all be a year or two from now? But I do think forward, and I read something recently that got me thinking about what I'll miss. The author said she actually misses the never ending mountains of laundry from way back when her kids lived at home. Now that her kids are grown and gone, she misses the laundry. What? I really couldn't imagine missing that part of raising a family. That's like missing the messy diapers. Yeah right. But I can imagine there are things I will miss. Like demanding kisses and the kids willingly complying. Negotiating whether I'll pick them up from school or the bus stop. Their rapt attention as I explain some new and amazing concept (like standing up while peeing!). Their faith in me that I have ALL the answers, "Mom, how do babies grow?" Seeing the pure joy on their faces when they master a new skill - coloring inside the lines, writing their names, bike riding, roller skating. Today Shelly noticed that I've been sniffling and coughing, and she told me I shouldn't eat any candy, because I'm sick. "You should just eat healthy things, Mom."

It all makes me a little homesick to think about, like I've already missed it, its gone and never to return. Well, its not gone, I have a few years ahead of me still to enjoy those moments. Eli is just at the beginning of these baby-growing-into-childhood moments. Shelly is growing into "big kid" status without looking back and Archer's constantly impressing and amazing me with his knowledge and maturity, even at just seven years old. So in all my looking back and missing their younger years, I guess I need to remember that the years in front of us have so many new adventures, ones I can't even imagine, there's no time for wishing for the past!

Happy Easter



by Archer

We had a crazy busy day with lots of family and good food, your standard family holiday get together. Good stuff!

Over the past week I've been praying often for healing. There are a couple of people who need these prayers, I'll just share one. On Saturday evening Elijah got hurt. Sidetrack for a moment - when Archer was about 18 months old I was playing around with him and then heard a little "pop" and suddenly he was crying and wouldn't move his arm. We rushed off to the clinic to find out that he had a dislocated elbow and there was nothing we could do to fix it but wait. It took several days before he was back to normal, able to move his arm and not be in pain. So on Saturday, when E suddenly started crying and wouldn't move his right arm... Cried whenever I moved his arm for him... I had a pretty good idea of what had happened. We prayed over him and put him to bed when he was ready, prayed some more and hoped for the best. I knew the injury would probably take two or three days to heal. But guess what?? On Sunday morning he was running around and playing, using his right hand to grab things, it was like nothing had happened! And we praised Jesus for his quick healing of Eli's arm. Thank you Lord!

All day long my mind kept wandering to these two verses...

Praise the LORD, my soul,
and forget not all his benefits—
who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases...
~Psalm 103:2-3

When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralyzed man, “Son, your sins are forgiven.”
Now some teachers of the law were sitting there, thinking to themselves, “Why does this fellow talk like that? He’s blaspheming! Who can forgive sins but God alone?”
Immediately Jesus knew in his spirit that this was what they were thinking in their hearts, and he said to them, “Why are you thinking these things? Which is easier: to say to this paralyzed man, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up, take your mat and walk’? But I want you to know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins.” So he said to the man, “I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home.” He got up, took his mat and walked out in full view of them all. This amazed everyone and they praised God, saying, “We have never seen anything like this!”
~Mark 2:5-12

So, while I've been praying for healing of physical pain, I've been also reminded to ask for healing of our spirits, forgiveness and restoration and I thank the Lord that he is so generous to provide for both.

Battles

You wouldn't think that something so ordinary would cause so much trouble. There's the little trouble, Elijah stealing everyone else's toothbrushes and walking around with them in his own mouth. (Gross.) Then he loses them, so no one knows what to do when it's time to brush their teeth. We just keep opening up new brushes and they just keep disappearing. Someday we'll find the stash...

Then there's the big trouble. Every single night, when bedtime is announced, we have a little routine. "Five minutes to bedtime!" a parent announces. "Yes Ma'am/Sir! Five minutes!" Time passes, "Go brush your teeth please." And then the big trouble happens. Meltdown. Sometimes both, usually just one, the same one, every night, immediately melts onto the floor, crying and completely unable to even walk because of the travesty of going to brush their teeth. I tried a bribery system, you go nicely you earn computer time. This worked for a week or two but I got tired of tracking of the minutes and the whole thing fell apart. I've now resorted to threatening. "Quit whining. If you go for a whole week with no whining then you can... (big reward). But if I hear even one complaint ONE TIME..." But honestly, I"m sick of bribing and enticing and threatening. Why can't this person just brush their teeth? It happens EVERY DAY, at the SAME TIME, and its COMPLETELY PREDICTABLE. How has it come to this? Tonight I had a meltdown of my own and as I think about it, I don't even feel sorry. Is that awful? Another list of things to count against me.

I've learned these things over the last few years as a Mom - Patience isn't something that runs out. Its not in limited supply. Its a choice, one that is made ten or twenty or a hundred times a day. The choice to put a smile on my face and talk sweetly, or get grumpy. Choice. Not commodity.

Despite knowing that, I choose to look at it as if its a commodity. Sometimes all too limited. I let it "run out," and then ugliness ensues. And despite knowing that my ugly attitude DOES NOT bring the results I want (smiles on my kids' faces), I still do it. I'm still trying to get it together.

Here's another thing I've learned - our society likes to analyze behavior and then look for one simple cause. And all too often the cause of bad habits falls to the parents' inability to raise their kids right. Don't get me wrong, I know that parents have huge influence in their kids' lives, they have to. But why is it that when kids get to be grown-ups, they're looking back and blaming their parents for every single little problem in their own lives? I'm just a person. Not a super hero. Not Jesus' wonderful mother Mary (hey, even she wasn't perfect). And so in defense of myself, before my kids start blaming me for all their flaws, I'm putting this out there - I never claimed to be great. I'm not always good at this parenting thing. But kids, I love you so much. I'm just a person, cut me a little slack, ok?