Today's Promise

I recently read in another mom's blog that "Your best is good enough." God will fill in the gaps left by our imperfect efforts. I really needed to hear it, I usually feel so inadequate as a mom to my kids. I constantly question whether I'm good enough. The truth, of course - I'm not. None of us are. We can't be good enough. But all we need to do is ask, and God fills in the gaps, his grace covers over our weakness and sin. I've been asking a lot of him lately. "Help me please!" I cry out, and this week, I've seen the fruits. There have been many moments this week where its been so obvious, so clear that his hand was at work and maybe no one else noticed, maybe it wasn't a big deal to them. But to me, they were like rainbows, moments when God reminded me of his promise to help, to fill in the gaps, to fill us up with grace.

One of the kids lied to me about something little, but its an ongoing problem, this truth-telling issue, and I nearly over-reacted. Big lecture, big punishment, I don't know what. But I've been asking the Lord to help me slow down, "Please, God, remind me to ask you first before I say something I'll regret." And I did, I just kept my mouth shut, said a prayer, and something someone else had told me popped into my head. It was so simple, and yet not something I had tried before. So we tried it. I felt much better about that than how I've handled it before. Maybe I'll write more on that some other time.

Between Monday and Tuesday, around 1:30 in the morning, I looked around my living room and felt so dissatisfied with our home. I'm just unhappy with it. I love our home, its the perfect size for us and I know this is where God wants us to be. But the clutter. Laundry. Dishes. Why can't I keep up? I didn't even know WHAT to pray, other than, "Please help me!" I finished folding laundry and went to bed. So tired, I just want a rest. On Tuesday afternoon I was able to take a nap for an hour and after I got up the baby stayed asleep so I could get more done. He's been doing that lately, taking naps without me holding him. I know that's something that many other babies do, sleep without being within six inches of their mothers, but for E this is a new development. And every time he does it I thank God for the chance to play with the other two, or fold some more laundry, or whatever. Thank you Lord, for my nap, and for the baby taking naps.

There was one day thrown in there where the four of us just laughed all day long together. I don't know why, or what we were doing, but it seemed like every five minutes there was another excuse to laugh and we just smiled and laughed with each other through the whole day. We got to the end of the day and when David got home I couldn't tell him the silly things we said or did but I reported on our great day together. Just laughing. It felt so good, more refreshing than any nap could be!

Fast forward to today. We had plans to go with friends up to Mom and Dad's for some pool time but the weather didn't cooperate. They came over for playtime instead and I worked on little chores while the five kids (plus baby) all played together. I went outside to check the garden and spotted it - a rainbow. A reminder of God's promise. He won't flood the earth again, the way he did in Noah's time. But that clear, bright rainbow reminded me of his other promise, to fill us up with grace and love, to provide what we need. I went back inside smiling and realized something. There was NO LAUNDRY to wash, fold, put away. The dishes were all clean and back in the cupboards. I sat down on the floor with the four boys, my two plus two friends, and played Legos with them. I tried to figure out how it had all gotten done, and we'd still had time to laugh and play together. I couldn't work out the number of hours in the day, minus the playtime, minus the work load... it seemed like there wasn't enough time to have fit it all in. Somehow it worked, though. The girls came to play with us and I told the boys that these Legos had been mine when I was a kid. They were shocked. A girl playing with legos? We laughed and played and I praised God in my heart for filling the gaps, making it all work, and giving us rainbows in the sky to remind us of his great promise of redemption and grace.

Lord, I wait for you; you will answer, Lord my God.
~ Psalm 38:15