Anniversary

Today is the one year anniversary of the blog. So, what do I have to say for the last year of my life, my family, our experiences and lessons learned?

First of all, most parents I meet that have small kids will always say this same thing... "Time goes too fast." A friend told me, "Kids make time go faster." And what I've realized is that kids don't make time go faster, they mark the passing of time. There are so many milestones to make us realize how many days, weeks, months have gone by, and make us wonder what we (the adults) have accomplished in that time. In the last year Shelly has learned to walk, what have I done? Nothing so amazing as that! But what have I learned? A million things, some that can't be put into words, some that can. A lot of things about myself and the areas of my life that need improving. A lot of strengths that I didn't even know I had. And a lot about love - the love of my husband, parents and siblings, and children.

Before Archer was born I read everything I could get my hands on - Attachment Parenting, Immunization Debate, Nursing vs. Formula, Cry it Out vs. Co-Sleeping, the right diet, the right techniques, the right colors for the bedroom walls. And with Shelly? No way. Much more relaxed, go with the flow, whatever happens happens! I know this is typical of parents and their first/second children. But its a reflection of a shift in my attitude, my unwillingness to accept other people's way of doing things as my own. We're not tied to a schedule, we don't eat 12 different kinds of veggies every day, our kids drink soda sometimes. And these things are ok. And even though Archer's almost 4, its only been over the last year that I've really figured this out. I'm not a bad mom if my kids sleep in my bed with me or watch t.v. or run around the house with no pants, its just how things work for us. I hate those parenting magazines. They claim to offer real advice for contemporary moms. But the front covers always sport pictures of skinny moms in skirts and high heels carrying pretty babies with no food on their face and vacuuming a spotless living room. I just ignore them now, there's nothing in there that's going to lay out the perfect plan for me, we're already doing what works for us.

A lesson from parenting - sometimes patience can also be defined as ignoring what's happening right in front of you. Kid's tantrum... Mom's patience may be a well-refined ability to tune it out. But more importantly, its managing to view the big picture when the small details and struggles start to get the better of me. The big picture is that I want my children to learn patience and love, not anger and frustration. That starts in my home, with the atmosphere that I create.

My career is all about logistics, planning, arranging, knowing when something is going to happen and getting ready for it. My personal life was never about planning ahead until... children. They force logistics on you - bring the diaper bag, make sure you have a car seat, ask for extra napkins in the restaurant in anticipation of the mess that's going to happen 15 minutes from now. A simple trip to the grocery store requires logistics and negotiating and anticipating whatever disaster may strike when you walk out the door with a kid on each hip.

We all know, love goes beyond the first flighty feelings and is truly a long term decision, a commitment, something that we decide to do regardless of momentary feelings or emotions. My children have taught me to love deeply and unconditionally. This is my blessing as their mother, the opportunity to learn to love them further. The last year has also given me plenty of opportunities to grow closer to my husband. There's nothing like children to challenge a relationship and pull two people closer together.

I thank God for my husband and children, and thank Him for the strength to get get through the difficult times. The most important thing I've learned over the last year is that there's no way I can travel this path without Him. I have to learn to accept help - from people who offer help but more importantly, from the Lord. He wants to help me and I've realized that the more often I turn to Him, the more strength, patience, and love He gives me to continue to become a better mom, wife, person.

When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made one as well as the other. (Ecclesiastes 7:14)