Anniversary

Today is the one year anniversary of the blog. So, what do I have to say for the last year of my life, my family, our experiences and lessons learned?

First of all, most parents I meet that have small kids will always say this same thing... "Time goes too fast." A friend told me, "Kids make time go faster." And what I've realized is that kids don't make time go faster, they mark the passing of time. There are so many milestones to make us realize how many days, weeks, months have gone by, and make us wonder what we (the adults) have accomplished in that time. In the last year Shelly has learned to walk, what have I done? Nothing so amazing as that! But what have I learned? A million things, some that can't be put into words, some that can. A lot of things about myself and the areas of my life that need improving. A lot of strengths that I didn't even know I had. And a lot about love - the love of my husband, parents and siblings, and children.

Before Archer was born I read everything I could get my hands on - Attachment Parenting, Immunization Debate, Nursing vs. Formula, Cry it Out vs. Co-Sleeping, the right diet, the right techniques, the right colors for the bedroom walls. And with Shelly? No way. Much more relaxed, go with the flow, whatever happens happens! I know this is typical of parents and their first/second children. But its a reflection of a shift in my attitude, my unwillingness to accept other people's way of doing things as my own. We're not tied to a schedule, we don't eat 12 different kinds of veggies every day, our kids drink soda sometimes. And these things are ok. And even though Archer's almost 4, its only been over the last year that I've really figured this out. I'm not a bad mom if my kids sleep in my bed with me or watch t.v. or run around the house with no pants, its just how things work for us. I hate those parenting magazines. They claim to offer real advice for contemporary moms. But the front covers always sport pictures of skinny moms in skirts and high heels carrying pretty babies with no food on their face and vacuuming a spotless living room. I just ignore them now, there's nothing in there that's going to lay out the perfect plan for me, we're already doing what works for us.

A lesson from parenting - sometimes patience can also be defined as ignoring what's happening right in front of you. Kid's tantrum... Mom's patience may be a well-refined ability to tune it out. But more importantly, its managing to view the big picture when the small details and struggles start to get the better of me. The big picture is that I want my children to learn patience and love, not anger and frustration. That starts in my home, with the atmosphere that I create.

My career is all about logistics, planning, arranging, knowing when something is going to happen and getting ready for it. My personal life was never about planning ahead until... children. They force logistics on you - bring the diaper bag, make sure you have a car seat, ask for extra napkins in the restaurant in anticipation of the mess that's going to happen 15 minutes from now. A simple trip to the grocery store requires logistics and negotiating and anticipating whatever disaster may strike when you walk out the door with a kid on each hip.

We all know, love goes beyond the first flighty feelings and is truly a long term decision, a commitment, something that we decide to do regardless of momentary feelings or emotions. My children have taught me to love deeply and unconditionally. This is my blessing as their mother, the opportunity to learn to love them further. The last year has also given me plenty of opportunities to grow closer to my husband. There's nothing like children to challenge a relationship and pull two people closer together.

I thank God for my husband and children, and thank Him for the strength to get get through the difficult times. The most important thing I've learned over the last year is that there's no way I can travel this path without Him. I have to learn to accept help - from people who offer help but more importantly, from the Lord. He wants to help me and I've realized that the more often I turn to Him, the more strength, patience, and love He gives me to continue to become a better mom, wife, person.

When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made one as well as the other. (Ecclesiastes 7:14)

Sinking In

Dad's taking care of the kids today, I got this email from him.

Archer asked me why the easter eggs were hiding.
I said I didn't know.
He said they were a little chicken.

ugghh!

I taught Archer that joke at Easter time. I'm really glad to know that something I'm teaching my son is sinking in... and sticking!

Siblings

I'm just now realizing what my younger siblings experienced when we were growing up - they were always left behind. When I think back on it now, I feel awful. Denise and I talked about this recently, and she reminded me how mean I was to her. Things I didn't remember, and things I did remember, it all added up to me feeling awful for what I did to Denise, and what Shelly's going to experience. I'm sorry, Denise, for the past, and I'm sorry, Shelly, for the inevitble future... Poor little Shelly is going to always be left behind.

But on a lighter note, Archer is learning to play with Shelly and he takes pleasure in making her smile. It gives me hope, it won't ALL be bad, there will be plenty of good moments too!

There are some new pictures here...

http://archerandshellypics.blogspot.com

Naked Baby on the Loose!

Whenever I take off Shelly's diaper, she makes a mad dash away to avoid the new diaper. She runs and laughs and checks to make sure I'm still following and then scoots off again. Tonight, she escaped the house! Maybe I should be worried about the neighbors thinking we're crazy, or something, but they've thought we're crazy for a long time, so what do we have to lose? And anyway, Archer survived HIS great escape a few years ago...

In case you didn't hear the story, I had gone away to get my hair done on a Saturday morning. David was in the living room but dozed off on the couch. And Archer, maybe about a year old, was realizing that he could open the front door just by pulling down on the handle. Fast forward a few minutes... And there was a knock on the (wide open) front door to wake up David. There stood our neighbor, holding Archer (who was wearing only a diaper) and wondering how he had escaped. David told me what had happened when I got home, and I could only laugh - it was scary, but how could I be mad? Its one of those countless moments as a parent when your kid gets away from you and I just hope that the next time it happens, there will be kind people to help us survive it. Because no matter how much we watch our kids, pay attention, and keep track of what's going on, there will be those moments. Its those times when we're grateful that we've surrounded ourselves with loving people, family, neighbors, friends.

Deterioration

The Deterioration of our home continues, despite all of our efforts to child-proof everything. Whenever Mom comes over she makes little comments about our house being in lock-down. Actually, the house isn't in lock-down, just the kitchen. Every cupboard door and drawer is child-proofed. And yet...

Yesterday Archer found a black permanent marker. He proceeded to mark his territory. If you've been in our house, I want you to picture this... Start at the gate above the stairs, with an area about 5" square, completely colored in, moving on to the closet doors in the hallway a large circle and then a horizontal line (as if someone was walking along holding the marker to the door). Then a pause in activity, move into our bedroom where you will see a spiral drawn about two feet in diameter on the bathroom door, and once you get into the bathroom you will see the worst of it all. On our light cupboards there are scribbles that start near the bottom and end about four feet up, as high as the little graffiti artist could reach.

Also, a pool of water on the bathroom floor, and a toilet bowl nearly-overflowing. And a pile of white powder on the floor.

And when the obvious question is asked "Who did this?" the obvious answer is "Not me!"

I've learned my lesson and now ask "Why did you do this?" Just assume he's guilty, don't ask him if he is and give him the opportunity to lie. But the answers aren't very consoling. "Because I was drawing and then I didn't have any more paper and I was chasing Amberlyn and she was running away and then I just couldn't reach that high so I just drew right here and this is a circle!"

The final touch on his artwork for the day are two black lines on his left cheek. He looks like a cat.

Is it Monday Yet?

All week long, every day of the work week, we all look around at each other and ask, "Is it time to go home yet? Is it Friday yet?" And then, when Friday finally comes, we all go home with the anticipation of freedom for the next two days and nights. No work, no worries, right?

On Saturday, around noon, David turned to me and said... "Is it Monday yet?" Arraahhh! These kids are driving us crazy!

The good news? We're making progress in moving towards an earlier bedtime, so there's a light at the end of the tunnel... the light being the opportunity to turn out the lights and go to bed earlier ourselves!

And finally, its Sunday night, tomorrow is Monday, the kids are in bed and we get to go to work in the morning!

Cathedrals

I was browsing around the internet (ignoring my messy kitchen and whiny kids, does that make me an awful mom? hmm...) and found a video about a mom and her struggles in parenting her kids. The video is titled "The Invisible Woman." And how true this can be, as moms (and this applies to dads too), we become invisible to our kids, a noise to be ignored, an obstacle in the path to whatever they're running towards... And becoming invisible is really depressing. Don't they respect me or love me or (fill in the blank) me enough to pay attention to me?

The video puts this into perspective. A friend of the speaker gave her a book on cathedrals. And in the front, the friend wrote "With admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."

The cathedrals were built by hunderds of workers over decades and sometimes more than a hundred years. The men that built the cathedrals do not have their names inscribed on a plaque giving them credit, history does not recognize them individually for their acheivement. Parenting often does not bring us credit for our individual acheivements, we earn no plaque or ceremony. But God sees our efforts, big and small, and turns those efforts into a beautiful person. A cathedral we will not see finished, but that will bear the mark of our efforts over our lifetimes.

Mini Road Trip

Thanks, Dad for inviting Archer and I for a spontaenous road trip to visit Andrae Kohler State Park. I've posted some pictures here:
http://archerandshellypics.blogspot.com/2008/04/sunday-adventure.html

But the pictures REALLY don't do it justice! This place is really cool, tons of dunes and a board walk that goes along the dunes, up and down and all around... Between the dunes and the lake is a beautiful beach, nice sand and lots of space so even if there are lots of people it seems like there's probably plenty of room for everyone without too much over-crowding. (Of course, we'll find out this summer, I hope my prediction isn't wrong!) As we walked and walked and walked, up and down and all around (sing the Pop Goes the Weasel song as you read this, "In and out and all about"), Dad and I wondered how they chose the path of the board walk. I told him I was sure they picked a kid about Archer's age and then just told him to walk and they followed. No straight lines, no shortest routes, just back and forth, meandering around until they finally made it from one end of the park to the other.

Archer did really well, walked almost the whole way but when he finally got tired he enjoyed the bumpy ride in the stroller and I ran when I could, walked when I could run no more. The only thought in my mind as I ran was that I DEFINITELY did not want to slip on the sand that covered parts of the board walk. I had visions of me going down, and Archer flying out of the stroller and rolling down a steep sand dune screaming. Memories of the sledding incident are coming to mind... Thankfully, this did not happen and we finished our long walk with no major injuries.

The nice weather and beautiful park have me really excited about our family camping trip this summer!

Oh yeah, here's some pictures of my dancing baby - the girl that stops everything and starts dancing the second she hears any kind of music. I can't wait to get her into ballet classes, or something!

http://archerandshellypics.blogspot.com/2008/04/dancing-baby.html

Breakthrough!!!

Something amazing happened last night, one of my proudest parenting moments in the journey this far...

Last night, I took both of my children to the grocery store, purchesed two weeks worth of food, and walked out without one single tear, tantrum, or whine. As Shelly likes to say - WOW!

This took serious planning, reminding of the rules, and the energy to keep moving forward without delay. First, waiting for Archer to forget about the band aid on his finger. Why should this matter? Well, for some reason, he was very concerned that someone might see it. "Everyone will laugh at me!" he kept repeating, despite my efforts to convince him otherwise. Finally, he came to me and said, "Look Mom, I can put my hand in my pocket like this, and no one will see my band aid." Ok, over one hurdle, onto the next. Wait till the show on Disney chanel is over, hurry out the door before the next one starts. Go to McDonalds and eat in the car so they're not hungry in the store. Park on the side of the store away from where they store the carts with cars built into the front (these things are impossible to push and too small to hold many groceries and Archer loves to jump in and out of it the whole time... really slows things down). Have a grocery list organized by section so I don't have to go back after I've passed something. And the final rule, KEEP MOVING FORWARD at all times! Don't stand still for more than 30 seconds or Shelly will start to climb out, Archer will get distracted and run off, and things go downhill from there.

The only possible incident was at the very end... the great temptation of candy in the check out lane. The parent's nightmare, the grocery store's last ditch attempt to get you to buy more stuff, and the kids' irresistable need to beg their parents for chocolate. Archer picked something up, I told him we couldn't buy it and braced myself for the meltdown, which....... ..... didn't come! He pouted a little but PUT IT BACK!

Now, to illustrate the major breakthrough here, let me give you a little history. Two weeks ago I took him to the store but he didn't want to go (long story), and he screamed from the moment we left the house to the moment we got home. Including the 10 minutes in the grocery store. He laid down on the floor several times and then, when I didn't stop walking, got up and screamed "Slow down you're going too fast!" Maybe I should have been embarrased, but when we got home I felt really proud of myself, I didn't break down and yell at him, or drag him by the arm (or leg!), and didn't let my temper get the best of me.

So only two weeks later, a trip like we had last night was momentous. I'm sure there will be bigger moments in my parenting experience, but I can't help but celebrate this victory of respectfulness and patience that both of my children showed last night.