Honesty

So... here is the question of the blog. Should I just keep it happy and write about the ups and leave out the downs? Or should I keep it honest, and write about the downs too? I'm not sure. On one hand, I'd like to focus on the positives and leave the negatives out of the picture, let them fade into history and if we all forget them that's just fine by me. On the other hand, it really bothers me when people only tell you the rosy side, they leave out the hard times and as a mom it makes me feel like I must be the only one going through those really chaotic crazy hard times. I don't want this blog to make my life sound so perfect and rosy that its not an honest picture of our lives. But I don't want to vent about the crap too much either.

This philisophical question was raised in my mind because on Thursday night I had one of the best times with my two kids that I enjoyed so much and never want to forget. And the very next night, on Friday, we were on the complete opposite end of the spectrum. Archer refused to do anything I asked (a very simple request, by the way), he screamed and cried for what felt like years (in reality it went on for about an hour and a half), and then I finally just lost it and screamed back at him. I somehow justified my behavior by thinking that I didn't deserve to be screamed at by him, and I wanted him to get it in return. And there was Shelly, just along for the ride, sitting next to the two of us screaming at each other and she was probably terrified. She started crying too. I realized I had gone too far but I had no idea what to do and decided to just get out. I packed up Shelly and put her in the car. Archer (who was completely naked because he refused to get dressed) came running out onto the porch crying "Don't leave me!" And when I told him to get his clothes on I've never seen him move so fast to find pants, a shirt and a pullup and get dressed. We all got in the car and went for a drive.

I apologized to him, I told him I love him so much and that we both need to work on trying to get along with each other. I hate what I did, that I lost my cool and lost control. I hope he doesn't remember it when he gets older but chances are he will. So I can chalk it up to a lesson learned, and remember it the next time I feel on the edge and try to change course.

So that's honesty over nothing but happy stuff. And I think that's important.