Benefits of Parenthood

Yesterday we ventured out to the Racine County Fair and I remembered one of the huge benefits of being a parent. The Benefit: an excuse for an adult to ride kids rides. I rode on the bumper cars, for the first time in how many years? I love the bumper cars. The wait was very very long. Only six of the twelve cars were working. And by the time Archer and I were up, only four cars were working. This might actually be better, since it just meant more room for us crazy drivers to move. Archer insisted on sitting on the drivers side. Unfortunately for him, he was too short to press the gas peddle and too weak and uncoordinated to steer. So, fortunately for me, I got to do both. Not vary ladylike, I admit, but I had a great time anyway! I sat there reaching one arm across to steer and the other arm around my son, and one leg stretched across to the gas peddle. And we zoomed around and crashed and screamed and laughed and had a great three minutes at the fair!

Next up? The fun house. A little lame to my standards but the swirling slide at the end was fun for Archer and Shelly had no choice but to watch the older kids running around and having a great time.

I know the State Fair will be MUCH better than the small county fair, and I'm looking forward to it! The rides will be bigger, there will be more animals, and more people, and more food - can there be anything better?

Backup, Stat!

My advice to new parents: Never be afraid to call for backup. All I need to hear from David is "Amy, I need backup!" to send me running in to help. And all I need to say is "Backup!!!" to have David rush to my side. NEVER be afraid to call for backup!!! (Funny, my shirt looks like I just walked out of a barn. But that's not what I was doing...)

Changes in Our Lives

Our refrigerator has become an art gallery. We never allowed even one single magnet before children. This is one small change, among many, that has hit our home in the last few years. Add to that dirty carpet, dirty laundry, stuff piled on the kitchen counter, and on and on. The profound changes of parenthood.

We gave up our office room to Archer, so his room could become Shelly's room. We consider children's activities whenever we re-arrange furniture, or plan vacations, or do chores outside, or watch movies.

I've become a morning person so I can have more time with my kids in the afternoon, and don't have to stay at work late. I've NEVER been a morning person. What's scary to me is that before children, David and I spent all of our time together, at home, driving to work, at work. And now, it feels almost like we don't see each other. Our only time together is at work, and of course that's not quality time. Children can really strain a marriage. Thank goodness our marriage was strong before, because kids don't make it any easier.

Second Time Around

Shelly's finally able to have a bath in the sink, which is so much easier than before she could sit up. I think this is the best time, when she can sit up, and stay occupied with little toys while I wash her. For Archer, its joy while he's playing with his boats, and screaming while I wash his hair. Shelly's turn is coming, I suppose. Its great to be a mom the second time around, you know what to expect cause you've been through it once already, but everything's still new because every child is different. Its great to be a mom the first time around, too, though. Because when everything's new, its a great big adventure every day, with no dread of the terrible two's cause you have no idea what that really means. I can't imagine what its like to be a mom a third, fourth, fifth, sixth time... At any point does it become routine?

What We Can Do

What do you see kids doing that you wish you could do? I wish I could dance without worrying about what people around me think. Just let the music move me. I wish I could play and run and jump and dive without worrying too much about getting a scraped knee on the pavement or a red tummy from a belly flop on the water. But I don't really think much about getting my feet in my mouth.

Nap Time aka Mom Minutes

Nap Time is a mom's heaven. Time to be completely selfish and think about exactly how I want to spend the next thirty minutes of my day. And I'd better REALLY think about it, because they're very short minutes and once the kids wake up, either early or late, those Mom Minutes are over. Do I want to nap too? Do I want to clean the kitchen? Do I want to write on the blog? Whatever it is, it had better be the most important thing for my next thirty minutes because once they wake up, its back to "I want that!" or "Hold me!" or "I'm hungry!" Archer and Shelly each have their own way of conveying those thougths, but they're both equally urgent. They both mean, "I'm the center of your world, and why aren't you paying attention to me right now?" And today my Mom Minutes go to... cleaning the kitchen. Ta ta for now!

Things That Go Out the Window

From Russell Baker - "Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three major categories - those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost."

In our house - Inanimate objects are classified into three major categories - those the kids broke, those the kids will break, and those the kids lost.

The only things that don't fall into the "lost" category are things that are too heavy to be moved by one person (such as appliances and furniture), but those things still fall into one of the other two categories, things the kids broke or things the kids will break.

And today, there's a new category - things that get thrown out the window.

Ballroom Dancing

On Friday David and I had a date night and I made all the plans without letting him know what I was up to. It was a fun surprise. I took him to a ballroom dancing competition (just as spectators, of course!). We knew someone competing and it was something outside our normal things to do for fun, and I had a great time! It was great to attend an event that neither of us had experienced before, and we sat right up front next to Kim and John, so she could fill me in on the little details along the way, which made me appreciate what the dancers were doing even more. There are so many details and so much work that goes into a single routine, that to see many of the instructors dancing many routines with their students was very impressive. And Kim and John were amazing too! What surprised me the most was the wide range of music, there was rock and country and pop music, it all made me want to dance myself... So now I'm left with the task of convincing David that we should take lessons... Think it will happen?

Which Way to Go

From Josh Billings "Train up a child in the way he should go -- and walk there yourself once in a while."


How often do you catch yourself doing something that you wouldn't really want your kids, grandkids, spouse, friends to see? I find myself thinking things I DEFINITELY wouldn't want to make public, and too often saying them. Like profanity, since when do I think that's acceptable? Its not ok to say out loud but for some reason I think the words in my head and then they sometimes pop out. Its hard to reform your thoughts but that's where you have to start to reform your behavior, isn't it? Or maybe its the other way around, reform your behavior and hopefully your thoughts will follow. And the things I hope for my kids, how many of those things are items I don't do or haven't done? Finish college, be generous and thoughtful, get to work on time, pick up your socks off the floor...

Comparing

I try not to compare my two kids against each other, I have a philosophy that its a dangerous path to travel...

But I've been thinking about the difference between my two children and here's what I thought:

- Archer drank from a bottle from the day he was born. Shelly didn't have a bottle until she was a few months old.

- Archer depended on his pacifier for comfort and never put his fingers in his mouth. Shelly will sometimes chew on a pacifier for a minute or two but then looses interest. She puts her fingers in her mouth when she's upset.

And so, as parents, I think we put a lot of stock in what we're doing and how our kids are turning out. Does giving Archer a bottle from the very beginning make him more inclined to accept the pacifier, and prevent him from sucking his fingers later on? Does not giving Shelly a bottle early-on make her more likely to suck her fingers? Does the thumb sucking carry over to nail-biting? Parents think they can control these things. The differences between my two kids make me realize that I can do my best with both of them but still they're two different people and they'll naturally have their own personalities and preferences. That's why siblings, even twins, aren't the same person. And that's the really fascinating part of watching children grow up!

Follow Up

Follow up on the BEES - overnight they re-built their nest up to a baseball-sized home. The exterminator came again today and took it down. When I got home from work I saw more activity in that same place. I don't even want to imagine what's going to happen in the winter when they try to find their way into our attic. They refuse to die, go away, move to the neighbor's house...

Too Much Going On!

There's way too much going on, and its way too late at night, for me to tell everything that's happening. But here's a summary.

The Incourageable Bees: They built a football-sized nest in the tallest peak of our house. The exterminator visited four times to finally get rid of them, after he sprayed the first couple of times they built new nests over the top of the old one and the overall size increased to basketball-sized. Today he took the nest down. Tonight, there's a small nest being built where the old one was, and a couple of bees working on it even now, at 10:00 at night. (Yes this picture is the actual nest that was on our roof BEFORE they added the new nest over the old one that had been sprayed.)

Shelly Ann: She's now able to scoot forward, one push at a time, but not on her knees yet! (And she can hold her own bottle which is really nice when it comes to trying to feed her while I'm eating supper, because she's always hungry right when supper is done.)

Bastille Days: The highlight of the festival was Archer watching a mime performing and then turning to his dad and saying "The French think they're so funny." The second highlight was showing Archer what the Eifel Tower looks like up close. David ordered chocolate cake for me and cheesecake for Archer but when we sat down to eat it Archer claimed the chocolate cake was his. So goes parenthood - eating the leftovers when the kids are done.

Camp Snoopy: A great success, Shelly was the only girl there but she had fun watching the group of six boys playing in the pool for two days. Tonight I witnessed a five-gallon sized bowl, filled with popcorn, disapper in minutes as twelve hands reached in to grab as much as they could and then shovel it into their mouths. And the lemonade went just as fast, with gallons being divided up into six cups which were promptly emptied and re-filled. Archer really enjoyed the games with his cousins and he's looking forward to next year! (P.S. I'm really impressed with how well all the boys got along with each other, how polite they were and even though it looked like "every man for himself" when it came time to eat, they still gave Archer his share when he asked, and there wasn't any real fighting about who got what. Way to go Laurie & Dave, and Jim, you guys have great kids!)

Schedule (Where? What Schedule?)

Ok, I haven't been writing as much lately as I'd like to. Work has been very very VERY EXTREMELY crazy lately. Its times like this, over the last couple of weeks, when I have a really hard time balancing work with family. And the problem gets worse when you factor in that David and I work at the same office. And the amount of time I DON'T spend at work directly affects the amount of time that David DOES spend at work. So do I want to stay at work an hour or two longer, and miss my kids, but help David get his stuff done so he can come home earlier? Too tough to call on some days.

But every single decision David and I make right now is building the pattern and the foundation for our family environment. And of course not just work decisions, but everything. I try really hard to keep that in mind when I'm making even little decisions - what I'm deciding right now is setting the pattern and expectation for future situations. Parenting is such a relentless job, no breaks. Trying to make the right choices EVERY TIME because there are no exceptions, no "just this one time" situations. At the same time, there are ALWAYS exceptions, reasons why I'll stay late today but not tomorrow, or why we'll eat McDonald's today even though is bad for our health, or why we'll stay up late tonight and not last night or tomorrow night.

Add to this that David and I just aren't naturally structured. We try to keep our house organized, but when it comes to schedules we've never been too worried about sticking to certain time frames. That worked just fine for us before the kids came along. And now, if we let them stay up late, it screws everything up for the next several days. (Those of you reading this who have kids understand its not a one-night exception, it really DOES throw you off for DAYS.)

Holidays are the worst of all when it comes to throwing all the rules out the window. Just when you want your kids to look and behave their best, they get high on sugar and lack of sleep and all the manners are completely gone. In walks the toddler who forgot the words "please" and "thank you," who doesn't know how to share, who screams everything instead of talking...

Anyway, sorry for the long tangent. I'm writing this at 11:30 at night when I should have been in bed two and a half hours ago... see how easily I get off the schedule? I'm looking forward to a relaxing weekend of writing lots of stuff about the kids. And now, time for bed.

Thrills

Archer and I have a few different games that involve me carrying him and running, or spinning, or flinging him into the air (and then attempting to control the crash landing). Dad used to play games like that with us, or carry us on his shoulders. I wonder at what point we were old enough to realize we were too big for those games? I wonder how long I'll be able to do this with Archer before he's just too heavy for me? But the things I do with Archer now, that I won't be able to do later, will be replaced by thrill rides, maybe? When I fling him into the air, or spin around, or carry him and run through the house, those are equal to thrill rides at Great America, right? Well, maybe our games at home aren't EQUAL, but the thrill is the same idea...

What is it about feeling like everything is out of control that we love so much? Or is it the speed and wind?

Archer's Story Chapter 2 (transcribed by Mom)

we go the beach, right?
we oed to the beach and king was there then the princess runned away and go hop in her car and started to run away and she runned to her castle (as he runs out of the room...)

then she took her car away then he was a big brother rrrooarrrr then she runned away faster rararaooar
then he blowed your house away

we went caming and goe oto beach and then you and me built slide for the water right? then we goed in the water then i was scared then my feet go on big rock
dan's coaching socker! (as he dances and screams)

i burned a fire then we burned up more then we eated them, we ate all the marshmallows, now you tell me a story

we sleep in our tent and grandma and grandpa had one and we had these many, right? (holding up all 5 fingers)
i'm a doogy woof woof!
the girls were riding skateboards or riting scooters "hi girls on scooters!"
woof woof!!!

(Its hard to stay focused on one topic for long, but when he gets going he talks fast!)

Mom's Story (transcribed by Archer)

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xz././X./x.xz240314454b7y44444444444556=56566666666666665-6878877

Archer's Story (transcribed by Mom)

1

um... there was a little princess her name was king was in a castle

king come inside and named the horsey

horsey!!! neigh!

then the king was riding him

then the dog got off the king got to ride the horsey

giddeyup cowboy! go horsey! go! (as he climbs on my back)

then the man got off then the king started to ride again neigh! neigh!

the horseys name is pooh

giddeyup cowboy come on horsey come on! come on pooh! (pats me on the back and wraps his hands around my neck) i'm holding on tight pooh, i'm holding on tight!

then the girl watched the king ride the horsey yee ha neigh! then the king got in the castle then the k decided to go upstairs

then um he sawed his girl then he umped down and he hurt himself on the bed and started to cry waa like that, ok?

you're the king, ok? go upstairs, otay? i'm the princess, i belong in the castle

i sleep in my bed, go upstairs and sleep in my bed, i goed upstairs and you down stairs i'm upstairs

you the princess and i'm the king, got my sword, ha ha ha!

nonono you got stop writing it, you unwriting it? all the way? down? don't write it!

Crazy Mom

I never ever NEVER NEVER thought I would be this... a cheerleader. And now, I hear myself chanting and clapping my hands and jumping up and down. All in the name of trying to convince the kid to do something that he doesn't feel like doing. If you're in public, and you need your kid to do something (or NOT do something) is it better to embarrass yourself by yelling and looking mean or cheering and looking crazy? I vote on the side of crazy, but luckily I haven't been pushed into doing it in public very often. At home... that's another story. "Put on the pull up put on the pull up! Go find your shoe shoes go find your shoe shoes! Put on some short shorts put on some short shorts! Where is your shirt shirt where is your shirt shirt?"

And on top of being a cheerleader, I make up songs to sing and then sing them shamelessly and loud, stomping around, claping, marching, cheering, dancing like a crazy person. All in the name of getting stuff done without yelling (or at least yelling less). Can you do these things and still have your kids respect you?

Things Your Parents Said

Things my parents said to me when I was a kid, that I now say...

If you don't want to eat this, you must not be that hungry

We don't have money for that

We're here (at McDonalds) for food, not toys

I could have something for 20 years and then the kids come along and break it in five minutes (My version of this is related to clean floors)

I could make that

Do your homework before you watch tv (I tell Archer to clean his room but we're still working on this, he hasn't really figured out the concept yet)

Feel free to add to the list, I'm sure there's lots I've forgotten!

Miss Bubbles

Shelly Belly Boo, Miss Bubbles, Pumpkin Pie laughed this morning! Its the first time I've heard her laugh and it was so cute. But Miss Smiley Face turns into High Maintenance Baby whenever she sees us walking away and suspects she might not be the center of attention anymore. She laughed at her brother, tossing a toy up in the air over and over, smiling and sharing her sweet baby giggles at her brother's game.

The other day, when it was right around 4th of July and people were setting off backyard firecrackers all over the place, I heard a sound that was like one of those high-pitched whistlers that doesn't have the explosion of color at the end, its just the noise. But that high-pitched whistle didn't come from a neighbor, it came from Archer! His little scream of excitement just burst out from nowhere.

There is nothing in the world as sweet as hearing a baby laugh, or a child scream in happiness because there just aren't words to express the joy that's felt inside. Dancing and singing and screaming are sometimes the only way to really express the happiness that's bubbling up inside. Why don't adults do that? Why are we so inhibited, serious, muted? That's why adults love to have little kids and babies around, they're not inhibited, when they feel good they're not afraid to show it and share it with the world!

Fortier Family Fourth of July Fun

A big thank you to Todd for providing the entertainment at today's holiday party! Once we got the pictures out of the way, and the eating, the kids had a GREAT time running and screaming and playing and shooting water at each other with their brand new water guns. I went out there for a little while and got completely soaked, but I gave up once I realized that they're quick to make alliances for protection, but also quick to turn on you for no reason and start shooting at the person they just vowed to protect. Christopher and I had a couple laps around the house and I'm not sure which one of us could out-run the other, but it was definitely close! Ultimately, of course, I won by turning the hose on all the little varmints who had ganged up on me.

The portrait sitting went amazingly well, considering the number of people (and especially small children) involved. Thanks to everyone for showing up so we could make it a success!

Some of today's pictures are posted on the link page, click on the link at the right to see them all.

In Defense of Junk Food (or The Case Against Vegetables)

Junk food is full of preservatives, and sealed in plastic, and has an expiration date.
Vegetables is not full of preservatives, has to be refrigerated, goes bad more quickly and is more likely to grow mold or attract bugs or whatever.

Junk food usually doesn't make you sick when its old, it just tastes stale.
Vegetables will make you sick when they get old. Plus they get mushy and smelly.

Junk food doesn't depend on temperature, its ok if its cold, its ok if its hot, it doesn't care. It might not taste as good, but it doesn't usually get ruined by temperature variations (except for chocolate, which gets all melty, but that's just messy, not bad for you).
Vegetables are temperature sensitive, they don't like really cold weather, and especially don't like hot weather.

Junk food is more available (vending machines, gas stations on every corner, Walgreens on every other corner).
Vegetables are harder to find (you have to go all the way to the grocery store, or even worse, a farmer's market, or even WORSE grow them yourself!).

Junk food is more single-serving ready, and easier to transport, its always packaged ready to go.
Vegetables have to be washed, cut up, put in a container, sealed, and then maybe they're ready to go.

Junk food tastes good as is, no more added stuff necessary.
Vegetables only taste good if you add stuff, like dressing or dip, or if you fry them or add cheese.

The mom porcupine in Over the Hedge said it best "Anything that tastes this good CAN'T be bad for you!"

PS I know writing this is going to come back to haunt me in a couple of years when Archer and Shelly are old enough to read...

Club Membership

All children need a laptop. Not a computer, but a human laptop. Moms, dads, grannies and grandpas, aunts, uncles - someone to hold them, read to them, reach them. Loved ones who will embrace them and pass on the experience, rituals and knowledge of a hundred previous generations. Loved ones who will pass to the next generation their expectations of them, their hopes, and their dreams.

-General Colin Powell

There's a lot to be said for parents expressing their expectations to their children. It seems like there's too many parents now just willing to say "Well, do what you want as long as you're happy," to the detriment of society in general. What happened to doing your best, working hard, acting right, treating others right, and living up to what people expect of you?

This quote also got me thinking about rituals and traditions that are passed through generations. As my kids get older I think about what traditions we'll have, and I've realized that David and I are the ones that create traditions within our family. They don't just happen on their own, so what traditions are we going to start? And what traditions that we grew up with are we going to continue doing?

David's family has a tradition of birthday cake on Christmas, for Jesus' birthday. My family for a long time had the homemade Christmas tradition (or as we kids thought of it, a rule that we didn't like following). I'm not sure what Christmas traditions we'll pass along to our kids, but we already have a couple other things at other times of the year that we do together. I think these things make families stronger, they make us members of a small club that others can't join. Isn't this one of the greatest things about family? Exclusive membership, not to exclude others but to make our relationships with each other stronger.