Last night Archer tried to come into bed with us, but it was just too crowded. We told him he could sleep on the couch in our bedroom. He did not like this suggestion an instead laid down on the floor and started crying. And then he said, in the saddest most betrayed voice ever... "But I have no one! I have no one!" He's all alone, we've abandoned him to sleep by himself and his heart is broken. And I almost gave in. But at two o'clock in the morning I also didn't feel like fighting over real estate in my own bed. Eventually he gave up and stated "I'm leaving!" and marched out to sleep on the couch in the living room.In moments like that I have such conflicting feelings - when he says "I have no one!" I'm heartbroken too, I feel like I really have abandoned him. But at the same time I know he's good at manipulating us, pushing our buttons, and I really don't want to give in to that. The books make it sound so easy - step by step instructions on how to deal with your child's tantrums. What they don't mention is the emotional toll this takes on you, that even when you think you're doing the right thing your kids still manage to make you feel really bad about it.
1 comment:
As a father all these many years, I know the feeling well (though my kids probably don't think so) But the other side of the issue is that Archer gained something last night...the ability to pick himself up after a major disappointment and move on. This is something that also is very important in life and the only way you get it, is to suffer through 10,000 no-you're-not-getting-ways. There are so many lessons that kids need to learn that are like this, the only way to gain the knowledge is to feel the pain.
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