Noisy Shelly!

Shelly Anna snores. She's a noisy sleeper, she breathes loud and makes little sighing noises and then she snores some more. I asked the doctor about this and her response was... when she gets a little older and she has a neck she won't snore so much. When she has a neck??? Actually, she doesn't really have a neck, she's got so much cushioning all around to keep her protected that the doctor's right - she has no neck and that's probably affecting her breathing. She is a really noisy baby, between the breathing and burps and... Well, you all know what I'm talking about. She's not very lady-like and makes no secret of everything that's going on in her digestive system! I love her round tummy, her round and soft arms and legs, those tiny little toes and fingers and maybe my favorite part of her is her little button nose that she got from her dad and shares with her brother.

She is getting so much more active now, she is awake a lot more and babbling more than ever. She gets excited whenever someone looks at her and talks to her, she kicks her legs and smiles, her bright eyes light up and everyone who sees her can't help but smile too. She's waving her arms around more and getting better at grabbing things within reach and then bringing them to her mouth - her favorite thing to grab is the fingers of whoever is holding her, and then she tries to chew on those fingers. I have a feeling that she might have a tooth or two soon and I'm a little bit worried about that.

Mom and Dad had her overnight last night and though it was hard for me to leave her for the first time since she was born, I really enjoyed the quiet time with David, and sleeping next to him instead of getting crowded out by kids between us. And it was in a way really liberating to find out that she did well, she slept through the night without needing to be fed and didn't wake up every five minutes just because I wasn't there next to her. Sometimes people will say to me, "Just wait until its time to send them to kindergarden," and then I think to myself, "Why are you trying to torture me?" I know its going to be hard, just like leaving Archer for the first time and leaving Shelly for the first time were both hard. But I also know that its what's best for all of us - I need to let go and know that they'll be well taken care of, and they need to learn to trust other people to take care of them. It makes me feel really good that Archer feels as at home at my parents' house as at our own house, and that's because he spends lots of time there with and without me. It gives me a lot of confidence and anticipation for the next few years when Shelly will learn that she can feel at home there too.

Manners - Bad AND Good

"Children are natural mimics -- they act like their parents in spite of every attempt to teach them good manners."

I catch myself saying things that wouldn't normally be offensive but when those same things come out of the mouth of a three year old they're a reflection on my behavior - "That stupid idiot!" or "Stupid dog!" And I'm constantly trying to clean up my act in the things I say and do. Because obviously if I tell Archer to say please but he never hears me say it, he'll think its not really required in life.

But what really makes me feel good is when I see him mimicing compassionate or empathetic behavior. When I'm sad and he comes to me and rubs my back and says, "Its ok Mama, I love you." Or when Shelly's crying and he said to her, "We're here Shelly, don't worry." I'm so proud of him. Even if he doesn't always completely understand what empathy is, he's modeling the behavior and I think through acting this way he will learn to feel sympathetic inside.

When he says things it causes me to reflect back on where he may have heard those things, and I tend to be critical of myself for the negative things that Archer says, but I also feel good that I'm having a positive influence on him as well. And maybe good parenting isn't about being a perfect role model, maybe its about making sure that your good habits outweigh your bad ones, so even if they pick up on the bad stuff, there's more of the good stuff to go around.

Jars

Yesterday's "question of the day" (see the link on the right) was "What would you keep in a jar?" I would keep buttons, baby socks, change (don't we all do that?), and I'd like to start keeping dollar bills in a jar to save for a rainy day. But most people answered intangible things like "acceptance, love, forgiveness." And if I were to pick one of those things, it would be sunshine, or the sunshiney feeling from spending time with people I love.

Today Denise, James, Mom, Dad and I were all together to help open the pool. And somehow this amazing thing happened - the job that we all dreaded when we were kids and tried to escape and complained through and hated turned into a great time where we all laughed and had good conversation and got the job done in record time. If I could keep days in jars, I would keep today in a jar. And I might even keep a jar next to it that had one of those days from so long ago when we hated the job, just to remind me of how things can turn around and perspectives can change and turn something unpleasant into something we all enjoyed.

What would you keep in a jar?

The Inmates Escape

We've had an eventful weekend and its only Sunday morning! On Friday afternoon I left work early and came home to get the kids ready for the overnighter and Mom and Dad's. Between Archer, Annika, Brock, and Shelly, the house was a little bit of a zoo (as always), and I was rushing around trying to get clothes and diapers and everything packed up and ready, while keeping the kids out of the suitcase and out from under my feet. Then Archer decided he was ready to go before I was, and he went out to sit in my car. Annika followed him out... The three door system had failed us as the kids escaped the house. So, Grandma Sue went to try to get the kids back in and as she stood in the doorway between the laundry room and the garage, with all three doors wide open, Everett took his opportunity and dashed out past her and ran away. The three door system was at this point a complete loss. All the doors were open, all the inmates had escaped, and the zoo keepers (Grandma and I) were unable to go after the escaped parties as there were still two babies left in the house and nothing had been packed in the car yet and all of civilization seemed to be crumbling around us.


The breakdown had occurred in two places - I hadn't closed the garage door because I was planning on going in and out a couple of times to get things into the car, and the childproof door handle into the laundry room has disappeared somewhere, so the kids were able to get into the laundry room and from there it just disintigrated all together. I had to take charge somehow, and ordered all people back into the house to contain the situation. The kids came back, the doors were closed, and then I went after the dog. I think in our neighborhood almost everyone has a dog, but we're probably known for the frequency of how often our dog escapes. The great thing about Everett, though, is he always gets distracted by the interesting smells in the yard next door or across the street and so he never really gets too far. I caught up to him, grabbed his tail (dogs have tails for the same reason kids have hands - something to grab onto when you don't want them to run away), and led him back inside. The three door system had been restored, everything closed and in lockdown until I was actually ready to leave. From there, it could only get better!





We headed off to Archer's doctor appointment, where it was discovered that he has very good blood pressure, is average height and weight, and is generally very healthy. They tried a vision and hearing test but he looked at it more as a game where he was trying to give the answers we wanted to hear and wasn't trying very hard to actually say whether he could hear something or not. Oh well, we'll try again next year!

Then it was time to get the party started! We moved on to Mom and Dad's for a sleepover, had a great time there and then in the morning took off for Madison. We picked up Denise along the way and arrived in Madison for the world famous Brat Fest. Archer and Shelly stayed with Aunt Patti and Grandpa Shorty while Aunt Laurie, AJ, Alec, Denise and I all went to spend the next three hours picking up garbage around the festival grounds. There was a small problem with this job though - there was very little garbage! So we ended up spending a lot of time just wandering around, avoiding Tracy (our supervisor), and people-watching. Luckily it didn't start raining hard until we were in the car on the way back to the house. Archer had a great time playing with the trains at Laurie's house and Denise and I enjoyed the time with Laurie and the boys. It was a nice day out, doing something different and spending time with family. I'm looking forward to next year!





And now, for the major milestone event - last night on the way home from Madison I stopped back at Mom and Dad's house and left both kids behind. Its my first night without Shelly and it was really hard for me to leave her behind but for my sanity (and David's) we both needed a little break from the kids and it was time to let go a little. Right now its 8:14 and Dad's going to bring them home at 9:00 and I'm counting down the minutes until I get to hold my baby again, I really miss her! But I do have to admit it was really nice to have a night where David and I could sleep through the night without our usual "musical beds" routine. (For those of you who aren't familiar with this nighttime game, it involves Archer falling asleep somewhere, then waking up a few hours later and crawling into bed with us, the bed getting too crowded and someone leaving for the couch, Archer following that person to the couch and that person leaving for the other couch, and so on...) Thanks Mom and Dad for a peaceful night's sleep, and I can't wait to hear how it went with your first night with Shelly!

Summer is Here!

When we were kids, summer oficially began on the last day of school. As an adult, you don't have the luxury of a three month vacation every year so the beginning of summer can be harder to define. But today I knew that summer had arrived when Archer was sitting on my lap and I put my nose against his neck and breathed in the smell of it - summer. Sweat, and dirt, and maybe the smell of sunshine, all mixed together to create the very distinct and pleasant smell of summertime. The only thing missing was the smell of chlorine from the pool.

I've heard that smell is the sense that's most strongly tied to memory and I believe it to be true. Sometimes when I'm giving Shelly a bath there's something about the smell of the soap that brings back the memory of Grandma Inez's bathroom. I know this is a really strange and specific thing to remember, but I do - I have a vision of the glass door at the bottom of the steps that lead upstairs, the green carpet on the stairs and then I don't remember what the bathroom looks like, but I know it smells like Shelly's soap. And I remember the big hourglass she had in the corner of the dining room, and she had a silver ball that made sounds like birds when you plugged it in. Sometimes when we went to her house she was watching a Sunday church service, sitting in her chair that swivelled around, and Mom and Dad would sit on the couch to talk. She gave us cookies and milk, we ate them in her kitchen, where she made lefsa from scratch every year for Christmas, which was celebrated at the community building in Argyle. I used to sit on Kevin's lap and sometimes Mom played Christmas songs on the piano on the stage. There was always a Christmas tree there, and the room seemed really big to me. We recently went back to that room and I realized how small it was, but that's the magic of memories - they remain unchanged for all those years, a window into how we used to see things when we were kids, before we got bigger and the world got smaller.

What smells bring back memories for you?

Major Events

We had two major events yesterday, we had bad news and good news so bad news first... Poor little Shelly Ann had a doctor appointment and had her next round of shots - three in all. When David took her to her two month checkup she had to have shots. He described her face as changing color, starting at the top of her head and flushing down to her chin, she changed to an almost purple shade of red and then came the cry. One loud long heartbreaking wail that went on forever until she finally had to take a breath and then continued the cry that said nothing but, "why would you do that to me????" That's exactly what happened again yesterday. And as her mom I felt that horrible sadness in my heart for knowing that she counts on me to protect her and I had stood there and held her arms while the nurse stuck needles in her legs and hurt her. I felt like I had let her down or betrayed her trust and for all of you reading this who don't have kids you may think that I was being irrational or over-sensitive. But those of you moms who have been through this know what I'm talking about - we make decisions for our kids with their best interests in mind (health, education...) but it still breaks our hearts to see them in any kind of pain (physical, emotional...). Elizabeth Stone sums it all up: Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.


And now for the good news... Archer got a new look yesterday! His hair has been in his eyes for a couple of months now and he never seems to be willing to sit still for a haircut. Yesterday afternoon I'd had enough and took the boy to Grandpa's Barber Shop. Luckily Grandpa had an opening in his busy schedule and agreed to shear off the long hair. Voila! Archer looks a year or two older and he can see again!

Sunshine

This morning around 2:00 I got up to change Shelly's diaper, laid her down on the changing table and noticed something unfamiliar to me at that time of night - bright happy eyes and a great big smile! It made waking up worth it just to see that happiness, much more pleasant than waking up to crying, that's for sure! And, its a good thing I felt that way because she woke me up again two hours later to change her again, and there was that smile again. I started thinking about the excuses people use when they're crabby and get short with the people around them and one of my often-used excuses is that I didn't get enough sleep, or I'm not a morning person... But that's really no reason to let myself fall into a bad mood or short temper. I read a book once called The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night, which was about an autistic boy who doesn't like the color yellow, and one day on his way to school he saw three yellow cars and it put him in a bad mood for the rest of the day. When his teacher pointed out to him that it wasn't logical to let the color of passing cars put him in a good or bad mood, he said it wasn't logical to let the weather affect your mood, but lots of people did that. And I've thought about that often when the weather is crummy and for some reason that means people feel unhappy. Why do we let those things get to us? There's nothing we can do about it, so just move on, right? Sometimes, easier said than done. Anyway, I was thinking that just because its the middle of the night is no reason to be unhappy, and Shelly reminded me that smiling is nice to see ANY time of the day (or night), and maybe I should try to do it more often! Seeing my kids smile is a ray of sunshine, and a big reward for doing something small like changing a diaper.

Problem Solved!

From Roger Lewin "Too often we give children answers to remember rather than problems to solve."

I find that I do this often with Archer - when he can't do something himself I give him the answer of how to do it instead of helping him learn to figure it out on his own. I'm trying to remember this and help him learn to solve problems instead of solving them for him, but this usually presents another problem - a test of our patience. Its so much faster and easier to just do it for him but we all know what lesson that teaches - just whine and someone else will do it for you! Of course, there are times when he amazes me at the reasoning he uses to get me to do things for him. One day I was feeding Shelly and he wanted to play, I said, "I'm sorry but I can't right now, I'm feeding Shelly." He answered, very seriously, "Your put Shelly in her bassinet and she won't even cry and she can take a nap and you can play with me." He had come up with a very logical answer to the problem of me holding Shelly. And he's learned that he can reach just about anything if he drags his stool over and climbs up. He knows he's not allowed in the living room with food so he'll stuff as much as he can in his mouth and then coming running in, when I tell him no food allowed he shows me his empty hands but his cheeks are stuffed like a chipmunk. Its great to see his mind working to come up with answers, but I'm a little terrifid of what's to come - what will we do when Shelly's old enough to tell us what to do and they gang up on us?

On the Move

She's scooting! Shelly Ann is mobile - but only when I'm not looking. When she's laying on her tummy and I walk away for a moment, I come back and she's scooted back a few feet and turned around facing another direction. When Archer was little I was constantly referring to the books to see what the next step was and when it would happen. This time around we're much more relaxed, just enjoying things as they happen and I have to be honest - I was a little surprised that Shelly's moving already, I just feel like she's growing too fast. All this means is that soon she'll be moving forward instead of backwards, then crawling, walking, running... I'm already worn out just THINKING about trying to keep up with TWO instead of one! But, I'm also so excited about her growing and getting stronger and interacting with us more, since she's the second one I feel less like worrying about all the little details and more excited knowing what I'm going to enjoy in the near future!

Home

My previous post about memories reminded me how much I feel comfortable and at home in Argyle because of the amount of time we spent there when we were kids. Argyle feels as familiar to me as Hales Corners, and Grandpa and Tim and Penny's house as homey as my parents' house. I think I used to have the impression that a person has just one home but I've learned that its possible to have many homes, places that feel safe and familiar and are filled with memories that go back generations. My memories are not just of my experiences, but also of my parents and grandparents telling me their memories of these places and people who live there.

Where are your homes?

Batteries Not Included

As I think about the upcoming summer activities that we have planned I'm looking forward to spending so much time with family, and extended family, at outings and events. But I'm also looking forward to the times when we can just stay close to home, and spend time with just the four of us doing fun and simple things on a Saturday afternoon. One of my favorite days with Archer was the afternoon last fall that we went to the local nature center and just walked around through the woods, taking pictures and discovering all of the things along the path. It feels so easy to look elsewhere for fun with the kids, when all they really need is some nature and an adult to follow behind as they enjoy the environment. And its nice to have the chance to get out of the house and just let go of the list of things I haven't done yet, or chores that I can never seem to keep up with.

Today Dad took Archer out to the woods and the playground for the day and all they did was walk around, chase each other, look at sticks and leaves and dirt and they had a great time without any complicated planning or spending money or using anything that required batteries or electricity. Dad said they ran the bases at the baseball diamond continuously for half an hour without stopping. Last night the dog was standing in the living room and Archer started running in tight circles around Everett, around and around. Then the dog laid down and Archer just kept going, jumping over his tail and running, running, running. Some days I put Archer on my back and we just run back and forth, around in circles, jump up and down, run back and forth some more.

Some of my favorite memories from my childhood are times that we spent outside in nature - hiking around the heifer pasture at Grandpa Shorty's farm, biking on the Elroy Sparta trail with Dad, biking around the Argyle countryside with Mom and Dad (and Dad telling us about the Big Tree), canoing on the Pecatonica, collecting blackberries by the creek near our house, Denise dropping her ice cream in that creek on the way home from Boy Blue, staying in a cabin on Green Bay and playing in the water all afternoon, hiking and tubing in Tennessee, I could go on and on... Kids are amazingly entertained by just moving, if only adults felt that way, we'd have so many less health problems and so much more enjoyment in life!

What are your favorite memories of being outside and doing something that didn't require batteries or tv or elaborite planning?

Family Day

We had such a nice day on Sunday, I feel like we had the perfect number of people in our house, that doesn't happen too often. It was great to attend James' graduation ceremony, I feel so proud of him. I am so proud of James for following through, valuing his education, and working hard to not just finish his degree, but do it well. It was a great experience to sit between Mom and Dad at the ceremony and see the pride in their faces for a son who's done so well. Way to go James!

It was also good to spend a little more time with Danielle, Denise and Dan, as our family grows I think we keep getting closer to each other and I'm happy we've been able to bring more people into our family to share our lives. I'm so blessed to be part of such a great group, to encourage each other and celebrate our milestones together.

And speaking of milestones... Shelly's walking! Just kidding. But she is getting a lot stronger, she is almost siting up on her own - she's strong enough but doesn't quite have the balance yet. Her bright eyes follow everything going on around her and I'm reminded again of when Archer was little and I wondered what it must be like for babies to see everything in the world for the first time, to be completely dependent on everyone else to provide everything they need.

Do you remember being a kid and wishing you could be older so you could do the fun stuff that grownups got to do? Like driving, riding the lawnmower, staying up late... And now I don't even really want to do those things, funny how that works. So here's the question of the day - what did you want to do when you were a kid, and how do you feel about that same thing now?

Dear Mom

You are my inspiration every day when I think about how to be a good mom to my own children. You were unfailingly patient. You never raised your voice or your hand to us. You never held a grudge and hung onto disagreements, you let them go and moved on. Often you were the glue that held us together in those tough teen years when there was so much conflict in the rest of our lives.

In the summer time you kept us busy with activities at the library, or play days, or other fun activities going on in the community. During the school year you made sure that we were doing our work and kept us going in the right direction. You attended our baseball games, track meets, swim meets, football games, and whatever other activities we were involved with. You cheered us on and encouraged us and loved us no matter how difficult we might have been.

And now, you still encourage me in parenting my own children, you work just as hard now as you ever have in the past, taking your job seriously but also staying connected with your family. You're the one that sends us care packages, always has cookies ready for parties, keeps the snacks supplied, and chases your grandchildren around playing games with them. And when I see you playing with them I feel like its a window into what our family was like when I was little, and you played with us and gave us nicknames and kept us entertained with painting and reading books and doing puzzles.

You are my inspiration to be a better mom, more forgiving, more patient, more carefree and willing to crawl around on the floor with the kids, but also able to keep them distracted when a temper tantrum is on its way to taking over the fun.

I love you!

Dear Grandma Ann

Although you're not here with us anymore I still think about you often and I am inspired by your ability to raise six children, stay involved in their lives as well as keep a household running, and not give in completely to exhaustion! You must have been busy every minute of every day, with little time for yourself. You raised an amazing family with six amazing children and I wish that you could still be here to see how your six children continue to stay close to each other, and take care of each other, and how their love continues to grow. And as they've had children, and then grandchildren, the love doesn't get spread more thin because there's more people in the circle, it just grows bigger and bigger.

When I was 12 or 13 you were visiting our house and at night you had already laid down for bed but Grandpa wasn't in bed yet, I came and laid down next to you. I don't remember what we talked about, but I remember that we were laughing and enjoying the conversation. And then I told you that someday I would name my daughter after you. And you said, "Oh no, my name is too plain." But I insisted. And I thought about that often. And now I've been able to follow through on my promise and although she doesn't have your entire name, I think you'd be ok with me using part of your name and part of your daughter's name to honor what you both mean in my life. I think you would be proud of what your children have done in their lives, and I feel so fortunate to be part of that family that you built, beginning so long ago but continuing now and into the future.

Dear Grandma Marian

I'm so glad I've had the chance to spend more time with you in the last couple of years and I hope that we can see each other more often. I'm so glad that my kids have an opportunity to know their great-grandmother, what a blessing! I love the way that every time you're going to see them you have thught of ways to connect with them, or you have something to give them, and you take the time to talk to Archer and you get to know each other better.

When you share pictures of you with your four sisters I often wonder what it must have been like for you growing up, or how you dad must have felt in a house with six women! Were you very close with your sisters? Did you always get along well? And when you grew up and got married and started your own families did you feel closer to your sisters? What things did you learn from your mom about parenting your own children?

Epidemic on the Way!

Today I received some very disturbing news... A kid at Annika's school has CHICKEN POX! Immediately when I heard this I couldn't keep my mind from racing to the only possible outcome - all of the kids in the family (that's NINE all together) are going to catch the pox and we'll have to set up an infirmary and hire some nurses and quarantine the house. So I'm working on a list of things to stock up on before the sickness strikes us - we'll need lots of chicken noodle soup, and washcloths for their foreheads, and boiling water (oh wait, is boiling water only for when someone's having a baby?). I haven't been through this before so feel free to tell me all the things that I'm missing - like do we need something for the itchiness? Do kids throw up when they get the pox? Should we get some plastic sheeting and hang it up over the doors with duct tape? What about those white masks over your face, do you think we can get Shelly to wear one? Maybe hazmat suits would stop the spread of the disease. What are we going to do!?!?

I guess its possible that I might be over reacting just a little, but I'm going to run to the store and pick up a couple of gallons of soup just in case...

Simplicity

In becoming a parent I've realized both how simple and how complicated life can be. Complicated as in how hard can it be to get a kid to take a nap in the afternoon? Why should it be so difficult to just pick a movie to watch and not cry over not being the one to put the dvd into the player? How many times can you sweep and vacuum and clean up spills in one day?

But here's the beautiful part of parenthood - seeing my child smile makes me smile. Seeing them get joy out of playing games that I haven't played in years like hide and seek makes me grin, chasing each other around . When Archer runs and laughs and screams chasing bubbles, I laugh at his joy in the simple things. And when Shelly coos with her eyes wide open, following me with her eyes as I walk around the room I get a thrill knowing that she is growing stronger every day. Last night Archer was rolling a truck around her head and she reached over and tried to grab it from him, our first chance of conflicts over toys, but I told Archer he has to teach her how to play and he explained to her all about the truck and how it works. One of my favorite times of the day is when I wake up early and see Archer and Shelly sleeping peacefully next to each other. Sometimes Shelly wakes up just as I'm about to leave for work and she's happy to lay and look around her, oohing and aahing, exercising her voice in the quiet part of the day before Archer wakes up, and Grandma Sue walks in with the other kids and Everett starts running around like a crazy dog. Kids have taught me that happiness doesn't have to come from expensive stuff, or going out all the time, or anything but just enjoying what's right in front of me.

What makes you smile?

Birthday

The big day finally came - Archer's THIRD BIRTHDAY! It was actually celebrated as a weekend event, with the festivities kicking off on Friday with a birthday lunch with his cousins. Even Shelly got into the act with a party hat! From Grandma Sue he received a bubble machine and a charcoal grill ("Charlie Charcoal"). He also received some clothes but I'm not sure if those were from Grandma or Aunt Kim since I wasn't there to witness the unwrapping. He also received a new set of golf clubs from Uncle Kim to replace the ones that he gave us last year, the ones last year were plastic and fell apart after repeated banging on the walls, furniture, floor, etc. These are a little more serious, actually made of metal and will have to stay outside to prevent the poor dog from being chased and possibly injured by the swinging clubs.

Then on Saturday, Archer and David were treated to a Brewers game. Archer had a GREAT time (pictures of that event to follow) - the people in the seats around him sung Happy Birthday, he got a ball from the field, he saw the sausages run right past him in their race, and he cheered and clapped for all of the players. He came home exhausted but he told me all about the fun the next morning. And on Sunday we had a little party of our own, where Archer opened up a gift of books from Grandma Michele, a toy lawn mower that blows bubbles (bubbles are the way to go this year!) and a front end loader that makes lots of noise. And let's not forget the cake!

I can't believe I've been a mom for three years already, the time flies and sometimes that's a good thing and sometimes I wonder where its gone. It feels like it cannot have been three years since I first held him, looked at his wet little face and said "you're so perfect!" I remember those first couple months when I told everyone how perfect he was, and everyone was kind enough to agree with me. He was the most beautiful human being I had ever seen, and now, three years later, he still amazes me every day.

Reaching

My little Shelly Anna is getting awfully squirmy lately! She kicks her legs all the time now, and she's so alert, looking around at everything she sees and hears. Sometimes when she's eating she holds her head perfectly still but her eyes dart around, trying not to miss out on anything going on around her. And now she reaches and GRABS! Anything she can get her little fingers around is immedately brought to her mouth. Or at least pulled in that direction - my nose, my hair, my shirt, blankets, toys... And when there's nothing to reach for, she's got her fingers in her mouth, sucking and chewing all the time. She likes to "talk" now too, when I say "ooohhhhh" she studies my face and then does her best to make the sound, and when I change the pitch I can hear her trying to keep up. And before long, she'll be keeping up faster than I can keep ahead!

Expectations

I was going through a box of pictures and notebooks and came across this page that I put down about a year ago, when Archer had just turned two...

Well, now we are full in the trenches of learning about independence. Archer has progressed from naming things, to naming things he wants, to telling us what to do - "Sit here! Door open!" And when he wants something he's able to describe the sequence that must happen in order to get his way - "Jacket! Shoes on! Hat! Door open! Outside!" And me? I'm along for the ride, simply following his lead and prompting "Say please, say thank you" every step of the way. God forbid I should say "Just a minute honey." It might as well be eternity I'm asking for! He's gotten the hang of saying "yeah" to be agreeable, but doesn't hesitate to tell me "No no no!" when things aren't going quite his way. And I think the tantrums are more frequent now because of his realization that he sometimes can get his way, and not knowing why it won't always go his way. He's realizing that he can influence us more and his world is getting bigger, maybe faster than he can keep up with.

And now, a year after writing that I realize how far we've come in this last year, full sentances and being able to describe to me not just what it takes to go outside ("Need my jacket, open the door") but to warn me of the consequences of not following the rules ("I'll get cold, the dog will run away").

A few days ago, when David woke up in the morning, he walked into the living room to find that the berry pie that had been on the counter last night was now spread into little piles of berries all over the living room carpet. I guess Everett liked the pie crust but not the filling, because that's what he left behind. And after getting the spot cleaner out and taking care of the mess, one of the kids decided to go outside to enjoy the sunshine and opened the door and out went the dog! So David rounded up the dog by calling out that they were going for a ride. And once the dog was in the car, Archer insisted on actually going for a ride. Once around the block, then back into the garage. The dog came in from the garage, the door was closed behind him, then the door into the house was opened and the dog ran inside, just in time for the kids to come back into the house from the back yard and let Everett right back outside again. And to me, what's even more impressive than this story is that when I came home that afternoon, Archer was able to relay the entire story to me in complete detail.

The amazing thing about parenting is that when you first start out, you think you know what to expect (messy diapers, then they learn to crawl, then walk, and talk...) but there's nothing to really prepare you for what's about to happen in your life. Messy diapers are much more than you could have anticipated (Shelly regularly requires a bath after a diaper can't contain everything and she's got poop up to her neck), crawling and walking mean constantly watching out for every possible thing that could be in their path and trying to anticipate it (Archer fell down on the day he took his first steps and we had our first trip to the emergency room for stitches). And talking means not just learning words but learning how to use them and suddenly before I knew it there's a little boy in my life expressing his opinions on everything happening around him. And so I think I know what to expect with Shelly, since I'm already experiencing it with Archer, but I also have a feeling she'll bring her own set of surprises as she gets older. What will her opinions be? How will she relate to me the things that have happened to her each day, and what will be important to her? I can't wait to find out!

And now its your turn:
What was your biggest surprise in becoming a parent? What did you least expect but most enjoy about having kids?

Kitten

When Shelly eats she sometimes reminds me of a kitten as she opens and closes her fists and makes little gulping noises. Its so amazing to me to see the expression in her eyes and know that at only three months old she's already learned to do so many things that she couldn't do when she was first born. And even more amazing is to see everything that Archer has learned in his first three years of life. He runs and plays, tells stories of things he remembers happening last summer and makes up new games to play. His imagination is limited only by his vocabulary, which has gone from just a few words a year ago to a whole dictionary's worth of expressions that he uses to tell us how he's feeling every minute of the day. Shelly is still limited to only crying or quiet, but I know the time will fly by and soon she'll be telling us everything, trying to crowd out her brother for the attention to her own stories and memories. I wish she could stay little forever, and I also can't wait for the time when she starts telling me all of her thoughts!

The Long Road

Yesterday Archer threw a toy at his cousin and she ended up with a cut on her face, and he never fails to collapse on the floor and start crying at the first sign that things aren't going his way. People tell me that this is just a stage, part of raising a toddler, but it feels like a failure as a parent. I continue to try to persevere and show him the love and patience that my mom always showed us, and hopefully he will learn compassion and self control, sooner rather than later. In the mean time, I keep reminding myself of the compassion and patience that my mom had for me, and I try to remember that this is a long road we're walking, not a short race, and if I can just keep each foot going in the right direction with each step I take, eventually we'll get to the destination that seems so far off.

Smiles

I used to feel a little frustrated when family and friends constantly remarked on Archer's resemblance to his dad. I selfishly wished he looked like me, and I held onto the hope that our second baby would inherit more of my features. But the Fortier genes are strong and Shelly looks just like her dad as well.


Our two beautiful children look like David and the more I hear other peope say this, the more I think about not what they look like, but who they are inside. David is a beautiful person on the outside, but an even more beautiful person on the inside. And I can only hope that they will inherit their father's gentleness and patience, his generosity and easy-going spirit.