Actions Speak in Time

What is it about having kids that makes time move so much faster than before? Five months already? WHAT IS GOING ON???? Shelly's more than five months old, almost half a year, almost a year, almost in kindergarden...

Time just slips by way too fast when the babies arrive. On the other hand, time is measured by their arrival. Last year, when I was sorting through pictures, I found myself sorting by timeline, and my first criteria was "before Archer or after Archer?" Kids' arrival into our lives makes us more aware of how fast the time really runs by. Otherwise we just try to avoid it, because once we're adults we don't want to be older and admit that any time has passed. But when we do this, don't we just cheat ourselves out of time that we could have spent with people we love, or doing things we enjoy? If we're constantly in denial about time passing will we make the decision to spend time with people we love? Or will we put off doing the things we'd really enjoy because there's too much work to do? I'd like to think that spending a day with my family is more important than a day mopping the floor and doing laundry, but my actions will speak in the long run.

Love

Tonight Archer didn't get his way on something and said to me, "You broke my heart! You broke my feelings..." I wanted to laugh because the words coming out of his mouth seemed unbelieveable to me, a three year old telling me that I broke his heart. And when he says, "I hate you" I know that he can't fully understand the meaning of these words. Or does he? Did I really break his heart? Does he REALLY hate me at that moment?

Later we were sitting outside and he climbed up on David's lap and then said, "I want Mama" and my heart swelled. I kissed his head and cheeks and neck and he said, "You kiss me that why you love me?" (Sometimes he mixes up the words "why" and "because.") "Yes, I kiss you because I love you."

No matter how hard it is to do the right thing with Archer, he somehow still makes sure I know how good it feels to have him in my life. Yesterday I was heartbroken that he felt abandoned, today I am on top of the world that he just wanted to sit on my lap and let me kiss him for a couple of minutes. I really love that boy.

Deserted

Last night Archer tried to come into bed with us, but it was just too crowded. We told him he could sleep on the couch in our bedroom. He did not like this suggestion an instead laid down on the floor and started crying. And then he said, in the saddest most betrayed voice ever... "But I have no one! I have no one!" He's all alone, we've abandoned him to sleep by himself and his heart is broken. And I almost gave in. But at two o'clock in the morning I also didn't feel like fighting over real estate in my own bed. Eventually he gave up and stated "I'm leaving!" and marched out to sleep on the couch in the living room.

In moments like that I have such conflicting feelings - when he says "I have no one!" I'm heartbroken too, I feel like I really have abandoned him. But at the same time I know he's good at manipulating us, pushing our buttons, and I really don't want to give in to that. The books make it sound so easy - step by step instructions on how to deal with your child's tantrums. What they don't mention is the emotional toll this takes on you, that even when you think you're doing the right thing your kids still manage to make you feel really bad about it.

Thanks for family

Mom and Dad, thank you for your support and encouragement, you are two of the best people in my life and I feel so lucky to have you. And my kids are lucky to have you too. Archer had a great time at the farm today, even if he wasn't quite as excited about riding the pony as we might have thought. It was still fun for him, and as always I'm sure Shelly enjoyed all the love and attention.

P.S. A follow up on nicknames - since when do you guys call her Princess? I love it!

Developments...

We leave our daughter with her grandparents for ONE NIGHT and we come back to her and she has a new tooth through!!!! Her FIRST tooth!!!! Everyone is wishing me luck, and I know what you're all thinking - Shelly's special priveleges aren't going to last much longer... She's going to get cut off now that she's got a tooth through and she's more dangerous. Well, I'm going to just take it one day at a time and we'll see what happens. Wish me luck!

P.S. By the way she's sitting up now, not for very long but she can balance for a minute or two before tipping over. The problem is that she usually tips forward and lands on her face. We'll have to watch out or she'll smush that perfect little nose of hers. And also, she's getting quicker at scooting backwards, no more leaving her on the bed, she'll scoot herself right onto the floor.

It takes a village...

... to raise a child. I know this is cliche, but the older the kids get the more I realize it. And this is why - you can't keep your kids to yourself for very long. From the minute they're born they're being held, talked to, influenced by the rest of the world. And I've been telling David for a long time now that we need another parent in our family, because two parents just isn't enough sometimes to cover all the bases. What a challenge. But, there's nothing quite like the thrill that comes from success. When mountain climbers finally reach the top and look out around them, they see the fruits of all their hard work and training to reach the highest peak. As a parent, those moments come occassionally, but mostly we have to measure our successes by the little peaks that we come to along the way. Like hearing my son say please and thank you without being prompted. Or seeing Shelly growing, learning to use her hands better, smiling at me when I talk to her.

It really does take a village, because the parents aren't the only ones teaching kids the lessons. Babysitters aren't just babysitters, they're teachers. And grandparents, and aunts and uncles, and cousins and neighbors... Whether or not all of these people realize it, they're teaching lessons. It might be a lesson that if you don't want your cousin to have it you hide it before they come over, or that you can get away with more when you're with one grandparent vs another, or that you're always going to find cookies in a certain place. Some good lessons, some bad, some just lessons on how life is. And so, even if we don't want to admit it, we're all part of the village and we're all raising each others' children.

Time

Shelly's talking - or almost, anyway. She's graduated fom different kinds of cries to different tones and vowel sounds. When she's starting to get hungry she frowns a little, her eyebrows furrow down and she says "oohhhhh oohhhh," gradually getting louder and more insistent if I don't answer quickly enough. Once I pick her up or lay down next to her, she turns her face and whole body towards me. Her eyebrows arch up in anticipation, her frown becomes a little smile and she says "aahhhhh!" She opens her mouth and searches, arches her back and lifts her head.

All of these little things remind me that every day she's growing stronger. But once she starts eating she still makes those little "mmm" sounds, and reaches her arms up and opens and closes her fists and she still reminds me of a helpless kitten. And I'm reminded that in life there's never really a definite end of one time and beginning of the next, its always a forward-moving cycle that slips from one time to the next before we even realized its happened. And when we look back the time has slipped away...

Who You Are

I have come to believe that having children teaches you who you really are. What I mean by this is that if you thought you were patient, or generous, or a good teacher or very organized.... You learn if you really have as much patience as you thought. Because having kids challenges all of that, you don't get to get a break from the stress, you go home to it every day and there's no letting up.

Now, I'm not saying this to be negative, or make it sound like my kids aren't the most perfect children in the world (they are!), I'm just learning things about myself, which is what stress does to you, I guess. I'm learning that I'm organized at work, but never at home. And I always envisioned myself as a very structured, routined mom, but I've come to realize that its ok that I'm not. Structure doesn't really exist in our schedule. But I do wish that I had more patience, and that's a work in progress. Kids not only teach you who you really are, they motivate you to become a better person. They challenge your priorities too (Do I care more about my TV show or talking to my kids? How dirty is too dirty for the kitchen floor to be? Do I really want to mop every day?), and make you think about which things really ARE important, and which ones don't matter quite as much.

What have you learned about yourself since you became a parent that you might not otherwise have discovered? Or, how have your priorities changed over the last few years?

Camping Highlights

The air mattress was nice except it was only half inflated in the morning. But still better than David's situation, which was sleeping on the ground between the two air mattresses because Archer kicked him off.

Sorry to Dad who tried to teach us euchre and we all revolted when it got too complicated, and resorted to playing BS. It was kind of Denise to let Dad win at least once, since it was Father's Day and everything...

Shelly did really well almost the whole time, with the only exception being when she woke up and was hungry, but I had to pee, and she had to wait a whole three minutes for me to come back! Lucky for us that was the worst of it, and she was smiling and happy the rest of the time.

Archer avoided too much sunburn, but did get a little bit. The fun of playing in the sand and water overrode the downside of the sunburn though. And he made lots of friends in the campground!

The pit toilets were as good as could be hoped, but everyone in our group mostly stayed away and just went off in the woods... Lucky for us our camp sites were surrounded by dense brush.

Dad was able to go hunting for some geocaches, but I don't think he actually found them because of the bug situation. It adds a little scavenger hunt dimension to the camping, though, and I hope we can do more of that next time.

We Survived

I can't write much cause I'm too worn out. But, I'll say this...

My favorite part was the card games and conversation.

My least favorite part was the sleeping situation.

Now how about everyone else says their favorites?

Click on the link on the top right to see ALL the camping pics, enjoy!

Coming Attraction

Here's a preview of what's to come this weekend, which is going to be our first official traditional family camping trip. (Is it possible to have a first of a traditional event?) This is our dry run of the the tent set up.

David's instructions went something like this:

David: Archer, you can help me set up the tent?

Archer: Why?

David: So we know everything's ready for the camping trip this weekend.

Archer: Why?

David: Archer, move out of the way.

Archer: Why?

David: Archer, get off the tent so I can set it up.

Archer - walks all over the tent

David: Everett, get off the tent!

Amy: Do you guys need some help?

Shelly: Oooh... aaahhh... ooohhh!

Wild Life (Inside AND Outside!)

Today there was another Great Escape, not including Everett, though. It was Archer. Right after his bath, and right before he got dressed, he darted out the front door and escaped before I could catch him. Just as I was catching up, he rounded the corner and slipped back into the house through the garage door, laughing and screaming. Everything's a game with kids in the house! And less than ten minutes later, his face was already covered in food, and Shelly (who also just had a bath) spit up everywhere. So neither of them are clean any more.

This afternoon, before bath time, we worked outside a little bit. I tried out the new electric grass trimmer and I told David it works well, but its not really a good two person tool - Archer insisted on helping so we were able to cut about one blade of grass every three minutes while we both tried to figure out how to hold the trimmer together.

I've been thinking about dividing my patch of daisies to help them spread out and fill in the garden more, but I don't know the best time to divide them, or how to keep them blooming all summer long. Grandma, what's your advice on the best way to do that? Should I wait until fall before dividing them? And how do I not completely destroy the roots when I divide them?

Grandma and Grandpa probably remember when they were at our house last year and I traced out for them my grand vision of landscaping, digging out sod and making a garden walkway with shrubs and ornamental grasses. Needless to say, I've had to scale that back a little, but I would still like to work towards some more plants and things to attract birds to our yard. I'm a little jealous of Mom and Dad's yard witth all the birds, rabbits, and squirrels that are always passing through. I think I've only seen two squirrels in our yard since I moved into this house with David, and never any rabbits. The most wildlife we have is the occassional lost bird and the neighborhood cat that roams around ridding our yard of any real wildlife that might come near.

And now the latest development in Shelly's milestones - she's learning how to type! Actually, at this point its more like she's flailing around and randomly hitting buttons on the keyboard, but you've gotta start somewhere, right? She's really getting to be an expert at getting my fingers into her mouth, though, and I'm improving my one-handed typing.

Archer Knows Best

Today on the way home something happened... I was pulled over for speeding. I am not telling you this to encourage a chorus of lectures about speeding, I'm telling you this because somehow, at only three years old, Archer already knows how to lecture me. "Mama, what are we doing?" "We got pulled over." "Why?" Of course that's the next question out of his mouth, everything is WHY lately. "Because I was driving too fast." "Why?" "Because I was in a hurry." "We have to drive slowly!" "Yes Archer, you're right." And I wish I had that tape recorded to play back to him the first time he gets his own speeding ticket. Or, to play back to myself to remind myself that usually mom knows best, but sometimes Archer knows best too.

(P.S. I guess the sheriff felt sorry for me because he didn't give me a ticket even though I was speeding AND my driver's license is expired. Being a stressed-out mom in a car with two little kids and a dog might have its advantages...)

Ella's Merry

On the way home from the wedding we made a side trip to Ella's Deli in Madison. This is a great place to eat with kids, every table provides entertainment and if that's not enough, there's toys all around that move around in circles and fly over your head. The main attraction, though, is the Merry-Go-Round out front. We thought for sure that Archer would be excited to ride (he kept calling it the "merry"), but when the time came he refused. I thought he might be more interested if he saw me ride, so I hopped on and rode around and around, the only one on the merry, feeling a little embarrased but willing to do it for the sake of my son. And yet, he still wouldn't ride. Oh well, maybe next time...

Party Time!

Well, yesterday I woke up at 6:00 so we'd be able to leave the house in time to make it to Travis and Steph's wedding reception at 5:30 in the evening. I never thought I'd be able to say this, but being a mom has turned me into a morning person. We decided to skip the ceremony, since I was worried that the kids wouldn't be able to make it through without making too much noise. We packed up and along the way realized that we didn't have everything we needed for the stay overnight. So we decided to stop in Mt. Horeb and try to find a store to pick up what we had forgotten. As we drove around trying to find a store, we happened to catch a glimpse of a sign... "Karikahl" Hey, that's the same name as the hotel we're staying at! Wait, that IS the hotel! And there in front of us was a hotel with a big pile of rubble in the parking lot, a backhoe and dump truck parked outside. It turns out they were in the process of demolishing the hotel, one room at a time, to make room for a Walgreens sometime in the near future. But in the mean time, they were still letting out the rooms. We pulled into the parking lot and found that Denise, James and Danielle had already started the party! There were birds swooping at our heads as we moved our stuff into the rooms, they had nests above almost every room door. The bathroom tile was pretty dated, and we found a bonus item that we hadn't expected - a bottle opener mounted to the bathroom wall next to the light switch! The hotel had definitely seen better days, but as Denise pointed out, the rooms were clean and really, what more can you ask for? We took a look around our rooms, put the drinks on ice, and then moved on to the reception.

Through winding country roads we made our way to the party, where the music was loud, the air was stuffy and hot and we had a great time! Archer and I danced hard until we were both exhausted and I had cramps in my legs, while Shelly was passed from one set of arms to the next. Considering the noise and heat, she did really well, we saw a lot of other babies that seemed pretty unhappy but I think she was just overwhelmed to the point of being in a daze.

When I sat down at the tables Archer started wandering off from us and I was a little nervous that he'd get lost in the crowd, but its then that his fascination with balloons came in handy. He was holding two balloons and as he wandered away we watched the balloons moving through the crowd and then out the door to the next room as he went in search of someone to give him quarters for the video games. He had no fear of getting lost or separated from us, I guess there were enough people he recognized around, and always someone following after him, that he didn't worry about losing us.





I saw Archer doing things that normally I wouldn't allow, but I have memories of doing those same things at weddings when I was a kid and I couldn't bring myself to tell him no - reaching into the dish of mints and grabbing a whole handful, and then shoving them all into his mouth at once. Running and yelling and being generally noisy but having a great time, and when we got back to the hotel drinking his fill of root beer (and sneaking a sip of beer from Denise). He learned the Chicken Dance and the Hokey Pokey and met his second cousin Sophia for the first time.




Once we got back to the hotel he was allowed to do something else which is usually against the rules - run in and out of the room, inside and outside, between the rooms of the hotel, opening and closing the doors, eating chips and drinking lemonade and root beer, jumping on the beds... It was general lawlessness that's not allowed very often but when it happens its the kind of chaos that builds great memories and stories for years to come.

Apples of Gold

Aunt Patti gave me a book for my birthday, an old book, inside a gift box, it doesn't even have a page with the year that it was published. But it does have something written on the first page: "Ann J Holmes / Argyle 53504 / 543-5210"

This book used to belong to Grandma Ann, and I have no idea when she received it, or if someone gave it to her for some birthday or other event, or any of the book's history. But there are small pencil X's next to some of the passages, and that might be the most interesting part. Like this one "You grow up the day you have your first real laugh - at yourself." Or this one "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." And its really gotten me to thinking about what I know about Grandma Ann. I feel like I know nothing about her. Which is why I guess I'm writing this blog - its fun to share what's going on in our lives with everyone else, and keep the grandparents updated on the latest Archer & Shelly stories. But honestly, I'm not writing this for all of you who are reading it now. I'm writing it for Archer and Shelly, hoping that someday they'll enjoy reading what my perspective was on their childhood adventures. And that's why I really like the comments that you add to my story, it gives Archer and Shelly more history from everyone else's point of view as well.

And back to Grandma Ann - when she put X's next to these little quotes, was it because it was something she found amusing? Or something she wanted to remember in her daily life, how she could remind herself to keep a sense of humor? And she only has X's in the first 20 pages or so - the book is 86 pages long. Did she never get around to reading the rest of it? Or did she read it but only a little at a time in passing, not having a pencil in her hand later on to mark things because she was too busy with a house full of six kids and a husband to cook for? Maybe she never had a chance to get past the first two chapters Love and Joy and maybe that's ok - maybe those are the most important ones. Although, I have a feeling that she had pleanty of experience with the remaining topics: Peace, Long Suffering, Gentleness, Goodness, Faith, Meekness, Temperance. These chapters came from Galatians, "But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law." And its nice to have a reminder out of the past of nine things I can think about when trying to be a better mom, and of the values I want to teach my kids. And again, I think of the values of Grandma Ann's children, and see that she was so successful in teaching these values to her children and passing them on to further generations. And I can see how these nine values have built such a strong family, of six adults and their families who have spread out with their own families and interests and lives, but who still always make time to come back together for the important times, and the fun times. Thank you again, Grandma, for what you've shared with me through your children. And thanks Aunt Patti, for sharing your mom's book with me.

A Day of Daisies and Dirt

Today, June 2, I finally got outside to assess the situation in the yard. I can happily report that the shrubs, flowers, and especially the daisies came back strong and bigger than ever. However, the weeds were not to be left out of the race and also came back strong and bigger than ever.

So Shelly supervised while Archer and I got to work. We pulled out grass, weeds, and something that looked like a tree (it was taller than the boy!). I dug out a root that was as big around as Archer's forearm, while he dug around in the dirt and picked petals off the daisies. It was a tough morning but we got a lot done and it was so nice to spend time outside with Archer. It was especially nice that most of the flowers are a lot tougher this year than last, and I'm confident that they'll survive Archer clomping around in the dirt and throwing dirt clods at them.

I'm really happy with the daisies and I'm considering moving the other plants somewhere else and letting them take over the whole corner under Archer's window. The primroses also look like they're spreading well, I can't wait for their pretty, delicate blooms to show up!

Nicknames

Names for Archer: Arch-Arch, Choo Choo, Choo Choo Boo, Big Brother, Buddy Boy

Names for Shelly: Shelly Belly Boo, Muffin, Shelly Anna Bannana

Archer used to say "Bampaw and Mam-ma" but he's gotten better and pronouncing things and can now say "Grampa and Grama Shell." When he says "Uncle Scott" and "Uncle Todd" they sound exactly alike.

Denise used to call me Me-Me, Leah used to call me Aim, Grandpa Shorty used Buttercup, Grandpa Glenn used Amos. Sometimes Dave M. called me Ramona, and he called Denise Beatrice.

What nicknames did people call you, or what did you call your kids or siblings or other people in your life?